you know what drives old people up the wall?
What do you call a teenager who never grows up?
What do you say to a yak when you want it to speed up?
Yakcellerate! (My 5 year old made this up)
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
What do you call a waterfall that goes up instead of down ?
What kind of fish is made up of only two sodium atoms?
What keeps sheep up at night
What does a presidential candidate who cant get his votes up suffer from?
Came up with this one while writing an Undertale fanfic. What did one flower say to the other?
"You better stop your dandelion, or you'll be the baneberry of my existence!"
What happened to Guns 'n Roses' tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair?
I don't know what I ate lastnight, but when I woke up, I crapped out a sparkwheel, a valve, a spring, and a piece of flint.
Afterwards, I felt a little lighter.
You know what drives everybody up the wall?
What's the name of that cool female friend who helps you pick up chicks?
What do u call an angle that was beaten up?
What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?
What do you call 2 guys tied up and stuck in a window?
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's a**?
What washes up on the shores of small beaches?
What does Mission Impossible's star give when he f**ks up?
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
My 5 year old came up with this one. What is a skeleton's favorite weapon?
A bone and arrow (Kid loves to play minecraft sooo... yeah)
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer employee that beat up a Duracell employee?
He got charged with battery.
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?
What did the man say to the hooker when she walked up to him?
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble
What did the sniper say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
What sticks up when you turn it on?
What did the pasta send to the other pasta to spice up their relationship?
What’s the best pun you can come up with the word “pelican” ?
What’s the new FedEx and UPS merger going to be called?
My 11yo daughter just made up a joke. What do politicians thing of themselves?
That they're politicool...
Im biased but i think its genius
What does a junkie power ranger say before shooting up?
What is an example of someone getting to eat up their words?
King Midas saying that this sandwich is gold.
What is always wrapped up in the present ?
What happened when the cannibal showed up late to dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder
What do you call a waterfall that goes up instead of down ?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
