One day I want to open an Italian restaurant in New York for amnesiacs
It'll be called 'Spageddaboutit'
I received the same newspaper from New York that I got yesterday!
Every 20 minutes a man in New York gets robbed.
My fart just wiped out half of new York.
It was a weapon of ass destruction
T-Rex: Look, honey... I think you should come to New York with me.
I can’t see you if you don’t move.
What do you call a pig from New York?
If Irving Berlin lived in Montreal instead of New York...
Would he have written ‘Poutine on the Ritz?’
Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....
.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
Sorry New York Jets, but you just can’t score touchdowns.
What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
What do you call a deer from New York
Broke ny finger today
On the other hand i am ok
Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.
That's comparing apples to oranges.
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?
Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?
You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film
My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.
Theres a lot of tall men around parts of new york
Especially long guy land.
Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals
Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?
"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."
2 cats in New York test pawsitive for Coronavirus
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
BREAKING NEWS: New York subway car breaks down after laptop explodes. When asked what happened, the NYPD responded:
A Dell set fire to the train
What New York borough has the lowest cholesterol levels?
I can't believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it!
I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.
Ever wondered why there are so many people named Tony in New York?
It’s because on their luggage it said To N.Y
The Russian president visited New York and stayed at a pretty swanky hotel.
He was Putin on the Ritz.
News: 1 man dead after being held hostage at gun point today
"You think these people would learn to stop hanging out at gun point already"
Where does Black Panther stay when he's in New York?
What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?
A local town (Bulls, New Zealand) has signs with bull puns scattered across the town at points of interest.
What does the chef of a Chinese New York restaurant say, when you barge into their kitchen?
What building in New York has the most stories?
When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip
New York City once had 4 sections and New Jersey needed to borough one.
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?
"DELETER OF THE FREE WORLD" - New York Post front page on the Hillary email scandal
imgur.com/0BNIPzn
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
Why did the vampire subscribe to the new york times?
He heard it had great circulation.
Btw can we start a trend of holloween dad jokes for the coming month? Plus I'd love to hear some pumpkin puns.
Kim Kardashian & Kanye West named their new born Psalm West. I have only one question.
How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?
What did the fisherman from New York say to the magician?
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