Wendy Kingston Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

They were cooked in Greece.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Here’s a big list of self-proclaimed businesses (definitely not hundreds, though). Links are to screenshots. LMK if anything’s broken.

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DINING/FOOD

** The Backyard has confirmed their indoor spaces are compliant **

Elgin Bowling Lanes/Pizza https://ibb.co/th8nzm2

Jakk Tuesdays restaurant Their building has a sign saying ‘say no to vax passports’ https://ibb.co/gyv3d8Z

Jackie Banas, Belleville Wild Wing, Brighton 401 KOA “Stay strong! Even the Nazis didn’t rule forever.” https://ibb.co/0XzfZmg

Silly Yak (gluten free food) “We believe in personal choice and medical privacy.” https://ibb.co/0DMz5ZD

Pig & Olive (don’t care about masks) https://twitter.com/LisasEyeRoll/status/1435568879636553728?s=20

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FITNESS/GYMS

H3O2 Training “I will never discriminate or ask you to wear a useless mask.” https://ibb.co/Zzvkb6F

Rebelle Fit fitness “We will never discriminate and will always be pro choice/pro freedom.” https://ibb.co/MkGPB7N

Resolution Fitness Personal training, virtual bootcamps, online coaching “I have never discriminated against anyone. I’m not about to start.” https://ibb.co/gS0FkRX

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HAIR

Divine Hair Studio and Boutique, Napanee “Your body, your choice. My business, my choice!” https://ibb.co/KL4qt2s

Jimmy Hair Studio “We will not divide or segregate based on any of this. All are welcome and we stand with this movement.” https://ibb.co/P4PRPxf

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CHURCH

Andrew DeBartolo, teaching elder at Encounter Church “We have been meeting restriction-free and everyone is welcome to worship with us.” https://ibb.co/j4ZkMhp

——-

RETAIL/EVENTS/SERVICES

Rockridge Outfitters, Battersea “Your body and your personal choices are just that.” https://ibb.co/C0K84wc

Porter Pest Control “Will never request ANY medical information from anyone… strongly against any medical discrimination and especially this new proposed segregation with the pa$$.” https://ibb.co/kK1V4XC

Uneekish shop, Lombardy “No need mask if you don’t want to and you can wear if you feel more comfortable.” https://ibb.co/202fRXQ

Art Works - PLACE IN BELLEVILLE, NOT KINGSTON!! (Read to the bottom) https://ibb.co/RCkw9hs

Purposeful Painting, paint nights/fundraisers “I will not condemn or shame the unvaccinated which Turdeau literally commanded the vaccinated to do… Screw you TRUDEAU!” https://ibb.co/xSxgR2T

Kingston Mazimotorsports “Against health pass open to the public…” https://ibb.co/6vhv5rV

DedEye Axe Throwing, Belleville “Health over status.” https://ibb.co/h2p95q

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

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ʀᴏʏᴀʟ ʀᴜᴍʙʟᴇ: ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ

Date: January 31, 2010

Venue: Philips Arena

Attendance: 16,697

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• ECW World Championship (Hardcore Match) - Shelton Benjamin (c) vs Carlito

• Unified WWE Tag Team Championship - D-Generation X (c) vs Straight Edge Society

• WWE Heavyweight Championship - John Cena (c) vs Kofi Kingston

• World Heavyweight Championship - The Undertaker (c) vs Rey Mysterio

• Royal Rumble

Order of Entry

1._ Christian

2._ Dolph Ziggler

3._ Ezekiel Jackson

4._ David Hart Smith

5._ Cm Punk

6._ Zack Ryder

7._ Beth Phoenix

8._ Triple H

9._ The Miz

10._ Drew McIntyre

11._ Cody Rhodes

12._ Chris Masters

13._ John Morrison

14._ Matt Hardy

15._ Evan Bourne

16._ Ted Dibiase

17._ MVP

18._ Shawn Michaels

19._ Chris Jericho

20._ Sheamus

21._ Randy Orton

22._ Sgt. Slaughter

23._ Yoshi Tatsu

24._ Batista

25._ Jack Swagger

26._ Mark Henry

27._ Edge

28._ Big Show

29._ William Regal

30._ Kane

Order of Elimination

1._ Ezekiel Jackson (By Christian)

2._ David Hart Smith (By Cm Punk)

3._ Zack Ryder (By Beth Phoenix)

4._ Beth Phoenix (By Cm Punk)

5._ Dolph Ziggler (By Triple H)

6._ Chris Masters (By Drew McIntyre)

7._ Christian (By Triple H)

8._ Matt Hardy (By Cm Punk)

9._ MVP (By The Miz)

10._ The Miz (By John Morrison)

11._ Triple H (By Shawn Michaels)

12._ Evan Bourne (By Chris Jericho)

13._ Ted Dibiase (By Randy Orton)

14._ Randy Orton (By Cody Rhodes)

15._ Sgt. Slaughter (By Sheamus)

16._ Yoshi Tatsu (By Sheamus)

17._ John Morrison (By Batista)

18._ Cm Punk (By Shawn Michaels)

19._ Jack Swagger (By Shawn Michaels)

20._ Drew McIntyre (By Kane)

21._ Mark Henry (By Big Show & Kane)

22._ Big Show (By Kane)

23._ William Regal (By Chris Jericho)

24._ Sheamus (By Shawn Michaels)

25._ Kane (By Batista)

26._ Cody Rhodes (By Edge)

27._ Chris Jericho (By Edge)

28._ Batista (By Shawn Michaels)

29._ Shawn Michaels (By Edge)

Final Four: Shawn Michaels, Batista, Chris Jericho & Edge

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Note:

• The Hart Dinasty defeated D-Generation X for the WWE World Tag Team Championship on February 8, 2010 during RAW.

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ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏᴜᴛ

Date: February 21, 2010

Venue: Scottrade Center

Attendance: 17,000

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• WWE Heavyweight Championship (Elimination Chamber Match) - Christ

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap