Watching Tv Puns

I asked her if she'd seen the hard-to-find special season they made towards the end of the show's run.

She gave me a puzzled and intrigued look and wanted to know more info on it.

I told her I believe that specific season is commonly called 'Medium Rare'.

They use a fork, eh

I guess I’ll talk to him after I finish watching boomerang

gee, commercials back then sure were good at predicting the future.

My whole life I’ve been making sure it didn’t leave.

When I got back from the door she asks, “Who was it?”

I said, “It was a pest control company but I told them we didn’t need them because mine is leaving on Monday”

“And they are off!”

I said, "A-parent-ly".

They’re all pretty brainless.

Dad: It sure is a nice day for a baseball game.

Mom: Tomorrow it will be too

Dad: Oh, it’s a doubleheader?

Mom and me: 🤔

Dad: Wry smile

Me: Dad, you still got it

I told him to chill and he said "I AM CHILL" so I yelled back "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DAD".. That's right.. I dad joked my dad

“Cause if they fell forwards they’d fall into the boat.”

I’ve never seen her eyes roll harder.

Sovereign about ten minutes, thankfully.

I'm already hooked!

......I guess I'm just experiencing Macguyver's guilt.

He had a van adapted to his own specification, which subsequently was often seen overnight in the car parks of the world's best opera houses. After his death, the Japanese manufacturers used it as the flagship model of a new range. We've all heard of the 'Nissan Dormer'.

I ask her what she's watching. She says "Reba". I respond, "Do you know what the Spanish version of this show is called?" "No, what?" "AREBA!!!"

I turned to my GF and asked her if the cocktails were ‘Margaritas’. She, of course, was not impressed.

She replied, "You already do that, dear."

"I'm tired of thinking outside the box" http://imgur.com/TSWv4gJ

Dad: Did you know they hired a bunch of new producers and bought an $8,000.00 sound system for this show.

Me: No why did they do that?

Dad: They are trying to make America great again.

TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!

Dad: Well, did it kill her?

Me: exasperated eye-roll

I went in and asked him do you like it? He says "I haven't eaten it yet" so I point at the TV and say "No I meant that" and he replies "Idk I haven't eaten that either"

I asked "Is there ketchup?", to which he replied "No, this is live TV"

"Hurry! Cane!"

I told her I understand.

I said soon he will be swimming on his back and cracking clams on his stomach.

My dad and I were watching a show where this guy gave this beautiful wooden and brass organ to a church. My dad said "that guy is an organ donor."

He said he was "Extra-sizing".

This guy gets stabbed in the back with a pickaxe

Me: Well I guess he was picked off

Her: Oh god. Just shut up

Think I got her

Me: Hey! Watcha watching? Dad: TV, it's pictures and sound. Amazing texhnology.

"Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi

Mom (watching American Idol): You sure don't see a whole lot of black cowboys on tv.

Dad: Sure you do, I saw a whole team of them get their asses kicked last sunday.

Dad: Now, that is a pretty woman.

Me: But, Dad, she's cross-eyed.

Dad: Oh, well, I can look past that.

Me: I'm sure she does too.

He groaned, laughed and changed channels. Great success!

We were watching a show that introduced a concept car based on the shape of a fish's body. They mentioned the car got great gas mileage.

Dad: It's extra e-fish-ent!

My dad had just mentioned that he doesn't like drinking out of straws, and my younger step sister asked, "why don't you like straws?"

So he said, "straws are for suckers."

I thought it was pretty good.

Dad: I think I'm going to look for dark matter.

Me: Okay then Dad.

Dad: I guess I shouldn't take a torch with me.

My sister was watching Chloe and Courtney: Take the Hamptons crap show on E! And my dad walks in and drops this:

"Chloe and Courntey take the Hamptons? I hope they bring it back."

~groan~

My dad was watching one of those stupid tuna catch shows on Natgeo, when I said:
Wow those things are huge!
Dad:
Yeah, its amazing how they fit them in such small cans!
ugh

He says... "I gotta tell you... you're the best audience we've had all night."

Context (may be spoilers) they were about to chop off someone's arm.

"Are you sure you want to go ahead?"

"Not my head, just my arm"

I didn't know they had dad jokes in 795 AD...