My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.
I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
Me: Do you want to watch porn or golf?
Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.
Met a suspicious guy in a graveyard trying to give me a watch.
The fact a body was attached to it made it a dead giveaway.
My mom always told me to watch before i cross the street...
Why did she always want me to check the time?
I’ve just been informed that a distant relative left me a very expensive watch in his will.
I hope it’s not a wind up
A bunch of male ducks teased me today because I still watch Nickelodeon.
I ignored them because I don't have time for Drakes and Josh
My mom told me not to watch anything on the tv
So I watched next to the tv
I like to watch People play games online. Guess that makes me a "Streaming fan"
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
My wife told me to watch her plants when I sprayed the weed killer.
I've been watching them for an hour now and I don't see what's so interesting about them.
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on DVD, but I declined.
I had Stranger Things to watch.
So I told my friend I was gonna watch Cars for the first time and he told me how it ends.
Don't recommend you to watch this video. It barely helped me.
My wife made me watch a bunch of movies from the early 1900’s that I didn’t like.
I had to suffer in silents.
Stare at this picture and watch me make this knot disappear.
As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.
I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.
I wanted to write a parody of “Behind Blue Eyes” but my friend told me I should watch out for copyright laws
I said, “Who’s gonna sue me?”
I won't let me daughter watch the Cars movies because of a certain recurring theme.
Someone forced me to watch a horror movie about clowns by punching me all the way to the cinema.
My watch can call people, record my heart rate and even help me with my math
I have such a smart watch
My wife told me to pick a bigger New year's resolution than "watch more sports on TV".
Unfortunately, our TV only does 1080p 60fps.
I really wanted to watch Fast and the Furious, but the spoilers ruined it for me.
my step dad threw his watch at me
he then said, "time flies!"
My wife told me to "watch it, or else!"
I'm not a big fan of horror movies. But that's what she wants.
My son asked me if he could watch TV
I said "Sure. Just don't turn it on"
Someone sent me a video on WhatsApp saying, "I bet you can't watch this for more than 10 seconds!"
He was absolutely right. The video was only 5 seconds long.
My friend let me watch some British singer on his laptop.
Me: You really need to watch “A series of unfortunate events.”
Her: Ok. Let me take out the wedding video.
I WAS on top of the laundry. Then my wife had to ruin everything and tell me to fold it like I promised and stop lying on it while I watch TV.
I watch the History Channel a lot. I’ve become an expert, actually. Ask me anything,
My dad told me when he was young they had to watch TV by candlelight
My buddy told me to watch out for loan sharks
But I always figured multiple would be worse
So my friend just told me about a watch you can attach to your belt.
Nah, just a waste of time.
My son asked me if we can watch the Origami National Championships on TV...
I replied, “I don’t think we can do that.”
My son asked, “Why not?”
“Because it’s paper view...”
"The way Hulu works, only one person can watch at one time." - me
My dad responds with "So if there are two of us in the same room, Hulu will not work."
someone asked me if i wanted to watch Black Entertainment Television...
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand new Rolex."
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office
I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security
My wife asked me whether I want to watch Dr. Strange on Netflix.
I told her no. I had Stranger Things to watch.
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