Link to report: https://files.ontario.ca/moh-covid-19-report-en-2022-01-08.pdf
Detailed tables: Google Sheets mode and some TLDR charts
- Throwback Ontario January 8 update: 4249 New Cases, 2738 Recoveries, 26 Deaths, 71,481 tests (5.94% positive), Current ICUs: 394 (+12 vs. yesterday) (+39 vs. last week)
Testing data: - Source
- Backlog: 104,277 (+4,053), 55,700 tests completed (5,399.2 per 100k in week) --> 59,753 swabbed
- MoH positive rate: 30.6% - differs from the cases/tests calc.
- Positive rate (Day/Week/Prev Week): 23.99% / 22.88% / 20.35% - Chart
Other data:
- 7 day average: 13,118 (-726.1 vs. yesterday) (+622 or +5.0% vs. last week), (+12,063 or +1143.9% vs. 30 days ago)
- Today's Rt estimate: 0.91 - Historical
- Active cases: 136,548 (+1,325 vs. yesterday) (+24,062 vs. last week) - Chart
- Current hospitalizations: 2,594(+122), ICUs: 385(+47), Ventilated: 219(+42), [vs. last week: +1,280 / +171 / +107] - Chart
- New hospitalizations (Week/prev week avgs.): 194 (134.4 / 52.4), ICUs: 35 (17.9 / 7.3),
- Total reported cases to date: 866,632 (5.80% of the population)
- New variant cases (Alpha/Beta/Gamma/Delta/Omicron): +0 / +0 / +0 / +0 / +0 - This data lags quite a bit
- Hospitalizations / ICUs/ +veICU count
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies π
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
But thatβs comparing apples to oranges
BamBOO!
Theyβre on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Christopher Walken
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
Where ever you left it π€·ββοΈπ€
There hasn't been a post all year!
And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.)
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
Link to report: https://files.ontario.ca/moh-covid-19-report-en-2022-01-10.pdf
Detailed tables: Google Sheets mode and some TLDR charts
- Throwback Ontario January 10 update: 3945 New Cases, 2496 Recoveries, 61 Deaths, 62,308 tests (6.33% positive), Current ICUs: 411 (+2 vs. yesterday) (+59 vs. last week)
Testing data: - Source
- Backlog: 95,540 (-3,882), 40,692 tests completed (5,046.5 per 100k in week) --> 36,810 swabbed
- MoH positive rate: 26.7% - differs from the cases/tests calc.
- Positive rate (Day/Week/Prev Week): 23.85% / 22.18% / 22.34% - Chart
Episode date data (day/week/prev. week) - Cases by episode date and historical averages of episode date
- New cases with episode dates in last 3 days: 3,815 / 4,652 / 2,544 (-292 vs. yesterday week avg)
- New cases - episode dates in last 7 days: 7,234 / 14,210 / 7,583 (-5,942 vs. yesterday week avg)
- New cases - episode dates in last 30 days: 9,698 / 18,820 / 11,344 (-7,736 vs. yesterday week avg)
- New cases - ALL episode dates: 9,706 / 18,848 / 11,348 (-7,755 vs. yesterday week avg)
Other data:
- 7 day average: 11,885 (-553.1 vs. yesterday) (-2,188 or -15.5% vs. last week), (+10,691 or +895.4% vs. 30 days ago)
- Today's Rt estimate: 0.82 - Historical
- Active cases: 140,523 (+2,701 vs. yesterday) (+10,216 vs. last week) - [Chart](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2P
Link to report: https://files.ontario.ca/moh-covid-19-report-en-2022-01-10.pdf
Detailed tables: Google Sheets mode and some TLDR charts
- Throwback Ontario January 10 update: 3945 New Cases, 2496 Recoveries, 61 Deaths, 62,308 tests (6.33% positive), Current ICUs: 411 (+2 vs. yesterday) (+59 vs. last week)
Testing data: - Source
- Backlog: 95,540 (-3,882), 40,692 tests completed (5,046.5 per 100k in week) --> 36,810 swabbed
- MoH positive rate: 26.7% - differs from the cases/tests calc.
- Positive rate (Day/Week/Prev Week): 23.85% / 22.18% / 22.34% - Chart
Episode date data (day/week/prev. week) - Cases by episode date and historical averages of episode date
- New cases with episode dates in last 3 days: 3,815 / 4,652 / 2,544 (-292 vs. yesterday week avg)
- New cases - episode dates in last 7 days: 7,234 / 14,210 / 7,583 (-5,942 vs. yesterday week avg)
- New cases - episode dates in last 30 days: 9,698 / 18,820 / 11,344 (-7,736 vs. yesterday week avg)
- New cases - ALL episode dates: 9,706 / 18,848 / 11,348 (-7,755 vs. yesterday week avg)
Other data:
- 7 day average: 11,885 (-553.1 vs. yesterday) (-2,188 or -15.5% vs. last week), (+10,691 or +895.4% vs. 30 days ago)
- Today's Rt estimate: 0.82 - Historical
- Active cases: 140,523 (+2,701 vs. yesterday) (+10,216 vs. last week) - [Chart](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2P
Link to report: https://files.ontario.ca/moh-covid-19-report-en-2022-01-08.pdf
Detailed tables: Google Sheets mode and some TLDR charts
- Throwback Ontario January 8 update: 4249 New Cases, 2738 Recoveries, 26 Deaths, 71,481 tests (5.94% positive), Current ICUs: 394 (+12 vs. yesterday) (+39 vs. last week)
Testing data: - Source
- Backlog: 104,277 (+4,053), 55,700 tests completed (5,399.2 per 100k in week) --> 59,753 swabbed
- MoH positive rate: 30.6% - differs from the cases/tests calc.
- Positive rate (Day/Week/Prev Week): 23.99% / 22.88% / 20.35% - Chart
Other data:
- 7 day average: 13,118 (-726.1 vs. yesterday) (+622 or +5.0% vs. last week), (+12,063 or +1143.9% vs. 30 days ago)
- Today's Rt estimate: 0.91 - Historical
- Active cases: 136,548 (+1,325 vs. yesterday) (+24,062 vs. last week) - Chart
- Current hospitalizations: 2,594(+122), ICUs: 385(+47), Ventilated: 219(+42), [vs. last week: +1,280 / +171 / +107] - Chart
- New hospitalizations (Week/prev week avgs.): 194 (134.4 / 52.4), ICUs: 35 (17.9 / 7.3),
- Total reported cases to date: 866,632 (5.80% of the population)
- New variant cases (Alpha/Beta/Gamma/Delta/Omicron): +0 / +0 / +0 / +0 / +0 - This data lags quite a bit
- Hospitalizations / ICUs/ +veICU count
Link to report: https://files.ontario.ca/moh-covid-19-report-en-2021-01-20.pdf
Detailed tables: Google Sheets mode and HTML of Sheets
- This does not include Toronto's underreporting from yesterday. Apparently, that will be corrected on Thursday?
- Overall active 70+ cases are coming down but LTC ones are still going up - Chart
Testing Data:
- Backlog: 48,963 (+12,213), 54,307 tests completed (5,527.5 per 100k in week) --> 66,520 swabbed
- Positive rate (Day/Week/Prev Week): 4.89% / 4.86% / 5.88% - Chart
Other Data:
- Current hospitalizations: 1,598(-28), ICUs: 395(-5), Ventilated: 296(+4), [vs. last week: -76 / +10 / +4] - Chart
- LTC Data: 137 / 57 new LTC resident/HCW cases
- ICU count by Ontario Health Region (vs. last week): TORONTO: 88(+12), CENTRAL: 129(+1), EAST: 74(+3), WEST: 103(-3), NORTH: 1(-3)
- Based on death rates from completed cases over the past month, 44.6 people from of today's new cases are expected to die of which 0.5 are less than 50 years old, and 1.2, 3.8, 8.4, 17.6 and 13.1 are in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s respectively.
Vaccines: Source
- Total administered: 237,918 (+13,784 / +93,134 in last day/week)
- 1.77% / 0.28% of all adult (79% of all) Ontarians have received at least one / both
