Just waiting for the jokes to be posted tomorrow

Hopefully there won’t be 2 March

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellowlemonie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2022
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My wife told me that she couldn't wait for her chiropractor appointment tomorrow

So I sang to her "Nothing could be finer than to see your spine aligner in the mor-or-ning..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbox_srox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2022
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My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,

on Sonday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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My wife just dad joked the shit out of me...SOS

Wife: It's Sunday, we have to go back to work tomorrow.

Me: Yeah, at least it's jeans week next week.

Wife: Wait, so it's Jean's week for you next week?

Me: That's what I just said.

Wife: cocks eyebrow So it's my week???

Me: ...

Send help. I'm still in shock from my wife (Jean) pulling this epic dad joke off on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FluckDambe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Beware the regicides of March

*When it's Pi Day and the ides of March are tomorrow*

Brutus: We've got a man to cons-pi-re against

Cassius: I can't wait for tomorrow. It's such a never-ending day.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Telluride, CO

Convo with my roommate a few minutes ago...

Me: Hey, want to get Curry n Kebab for lunch tomorrow?

RM: E's picking me up for Telluride at one tomorrow so I probably won't have time.

Me: Well you better Telluride that they gonn' have to wait for you to eat ya curry!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigreddmachine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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Dad can't wait for tomorrow

If someone is around while my dad is looking at himself in the mirror as he's getting ready for the day (shaving, brushing teeth, etc.) he'll say "Wow, I can't wait until tomorrow." The person will say, "Why?" and he'll go "Because I just get better and better looking every day!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hemogoblins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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I can't wait for tomorrow

I was walking past the open bathroom door, and my dad was just inspecting his shaving job. As he rubbed his cheek, he said "I can't wait for tomorrow."

Why's that dad?

"Cuz I get better looking every day."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/squaretie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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My best friend's dad always says this..."I can't wait for tomorrow." "Why?"

" 'Cause I get better lookin' everyday!" Hahah I love him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_sex_kitten77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Some stories I'd like to share.

I had been driving for a few years and had just moved off to college.

I was on my way back home to visit and it got dark during my drive. My headlights and radio worked but my dash lights were not coming on. When I got home I asked my dad about it and he said he'd go take a look. He went outside then comes back in the house just a few minutes later.

Me: "Did you find out what the problem is?"

Dad: "I think so."

Me: "Well, what was it?"

Dad: "I'll have to show you tomorrow, if I'm right then we're going to have fun working on your truck all morning."

We wait until morning, and dad wakes me up to go work on my truck. We go outside and he has me walk him through the entire problem again. Which lights were working and which were not, has me start the truck a few times and has me do the same troubleshooting I did the night before. I was getting frustrated and told him I tried absolutely everything.

Then he says "I think there's one thing you forgot." He points at a knob by the steering wheel. I looked at where he was pointing and it hit me. It's the damned the dash-light dimmer switch, and it was set to it's lowest (dimmest) position. When I looked back up at him he just had the biggest grin on his face. He then went into a full explanation on how this knob worked, knowing full well that I already knew what that knob did. Which, by the way, I'm sitting on the driver's seat and he's standing at the driver's side door. So I had no way to walk away from this embarrassing moment. All I could do was look down at the steering wheel and listen to him enjoying his joke.

Bonus story #1:

I'm in my 30s and one of my friends is a 74 year old guy that I play pool with. He always asks me what I've been up to, and one time I told him I met a girl.

He got excited and said "Do you have any pictures of her?" So I showed him a few pictures of us together.

Old man: "She's beautiful! She sounds like a keeper."

Then he leans in with a grin and says "Do you have any naked pictures of her?"

Me: "No way!"

Old man: "Do you want to see some?"

Bonus story #2:

That same old man was at our friend's wedding. He's sitting at the table with his wife and a bunch of other people. The conversation is about how they have been married for 50+ years. He says "I don't know how she's put up with me for this many years. But I've always told her that she can leave whenever she wants to, cause I'm comin' with her."

His wife explained that she has heard all of his jokes so

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIGGLY_BALL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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I was making some egg benedict...

So as the title says I was making some egg benedict with smoked salmon (for the first time), my dad walked in and saw the mess I had created and said:

"You'll probably catch salmonella after eating that!"

He may be right though, we'll just have to wait and see until tomorrow :/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountVeggie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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He gets me every time!!! Every time!

Dad: I can't wait till tomorrow!

Me (or anyone else willing to ask for that matter): Oh ya, why, what's tomorrow??

Dad: Nothing, I just get better lookin' every day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djmiked1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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