Calling all pun masters: Voting closes in a few days!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albusbumblecore
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.

When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLT5000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Hey, is your refrigerator running?

Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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My friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr Awkward.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mefingers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Is my friend good enough for the big leagues (for puns)?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspygmy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Brilliant comment
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikapoleon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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β€œHey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”

β€œNo son, have you seen my dadglasses?”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BananaDargon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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My wife and I met at the store when we were both buying a copy of the Disney movie β€œup”

It was the perfect meet cute and we kept both copies even after getting married. It was sweet. Not all things are meant to last and when things got a bit rocky we decided to get divorced. I let her keep the apartment and moved my stuff out. Unfortunately, we live in one of those states that mail out ballots. She sent me a text a week after I had left to let me know my ballot had come to the apartment. We had ended things amicably, but neither of us wanted to see each other so soon. Committed to my civic duty, I dropped by after work the next day. When she opened the door she was in tears. She had me come in and I immediately saw it, I had forgotten to take my copy of the movie. Somehow, this felt more final than actually signing the divorce papers. I still cared about her, so I asked if she wanted to talk at all. She shook her head and said through tears, β€œJust take your Up, vote and go.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silent--Soliloquy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Of corpse they will
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoreanTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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My son came up to me today and asked, "can you please stop singing Wonderwall?"

I said maybe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelrich129
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

....because freedom rings.

Edit: wow this is getting decent attention, Happy Brexit 1776 everyone!

Edit 2: top 50 all time on r/dadjokes and I'm not even a dad yet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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Ya know, what this sub really needs is more water

http://i.imgur.com/BO1guSD.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherramon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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Warning! 18+

Today is election day in Canada, go out and vote!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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A daily pun thread

I propose we start a daily competition.

Each day the winner of the pervious days thread provides the word for the day.

Then you lovely lot will go off into reddit and try make the best pun around that word/phrase you can, and link your best result in that days thread. The comment with the most up votes wins for the day. Only one pun per account per day.

Ill start with a relatively easy one: Pun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biddlyboing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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The story of Mike and the dad joke hall of fame

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."

There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said β€œMike, come over, nobody's home.” So I went to her house and she was right, there wasn’t anybody there."

That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"

Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."

Thank you for your time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCisme5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Dadjoked a city... kinda

So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.

I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".

There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...

[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchGoatee
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Professor got a fellow student in class today

We were talking about when women gained the right to vote in the U.S. in my Western Civilization class when my professor launched this zinger. Prof:"When was your grandmother born?" Student:"1917" Prof:"Why couldn't she vote when she was born?" Student:"Because women didn't have the right to vote yet." Prof:"No, because she was only one day old!"

I laughed, most of the class gave a nice groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IBlazeWithBob
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
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