Valentine’s Day Puns

Damn

Because people always want a-more

Forget-me-knots.

People who celebrate post Valentine’s Day are smart because you get more bang for your buck.

A love child

Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.

We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?

So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.

I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)

February 14

I find it to be a bit cheesy

But it looks like I missed my date

She says she loves being carded.

I love you watts.

Easter and Valentine's Day are a couple other good cand-y-dates.

A heart shaped bread. (she pronounced it "hot" with a heavy British accent). This is her Valentine day joke. I am a proud dad.

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! 😜⠀⠀I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.⠀

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love 🔥

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

My mom’s friend is trying to write a card for her husband for Valentine’s Day, and he loves gnomes. Shes trying to find gnome puns to put in the card associated with Valentine’s Day. Please help because I don’t know any good gnome puns.

Told them to have a rootin' tootin' Valentine's day.

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

I spent Valentine's Day eating my meat.

In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other

February 14th.

(it's 11:26 PM where I am so it's still Valentine's Day for me)

My daughter said this while discussing Valentine’s Day card ideas.

“We could put Swedish fish in them” “Yeah and?” “Then you write, you’re my SWEETEST fish”

I audibly exhaled. And I’ve never been more proud.

I asked my dad what he and my mom did for Valentines day and he said they had multiple dates. I asked him how they went and he the dates were very healthy and I should eat dates too..He was talking about eating the dry fruit!

I texted my girlfriend that I was done with her Valentine's Day Present early. She responds, "Damn, You're ahead!" Without hesitation, I answer "I have a body too!"

I hate myself. I am my father.

We are a singing group and we need a team name related to Valentine's Day. Gimme your best punny team name that involves love or singing or both!

Here are two of my dad's funniest (most memorable) moments while out to eat...

About five years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I went out for Valentine's Day with my parents. My mom and I were having a conversation about my brother's ex-fiancee when...

Ex: "Oh, so you guys don't like her?"

Dad: "No, but that's alright, we don't really like [K's] boyfriend all that much either."

Needless to say, it wasn't as funny at the time...

Then about a few months ago, with my current boyfriend, we went out to eat with some family friends. At the time, my boyfriend was employed at an A/C company doing Chinese drywall and was talking with two of the men employed in other construction trades.

Family Friend: "Don't get involved in concrete. Or Construction. Better yet, stay out of anything that begins with a C."

Dad (from the other side of the table): "You better stay out of anything that starts with a K, too."

It's even more ironic considering I happen to have one of those names that's commonly spelled with a C, but my parents decided to spell with a K. But as mortified as my boyfriend was, I have to give it to my dad, that one was pretty damn funny.

Ok, so it was valentines day and a guy says "well its lovely to see you again", is it a pun? I am under the impression it's a loose one, but I hate it so much that I think I've been blinded into thinking it's not. Valentine's/ "lovely"....

Thanks

So we're in the car driving him home, and we got on the subject of valentines day. Me being attached and him single, I was really happy for him when he told me he had a date for valentines day!

I ask "So who is she?"

him: "February 14th"

worst part is it took me a while to get it, so I kept questioning him. I got out daded

It was Valentine's day and some buddies and I went out to grab lunch at a pizza joint called Mellow Mushroom. Appreciative of the waitress working on this day I left her two gems on the receipt to make up for it:

"Morgan, you had me at mellow," and "I have mushroom in my heart for you"

Dad: Do you have a date for Valentine's day?

Me: Yeah, House of Cards and a long car ride.

Dad: Well, I do

Me: Ummmm, okayy?

Dad: Yeah, it's February 14. I thought everyone knew that.

So much so that she told me she had to go put on make-up while using the restroom. I told her it sounds like she's pulling double-doodie in there.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! 💑

Told my dad about my plans to take my girlfriend to a couples painting class for Valentine's Day. He responds with.. "Cool. So what color are you going to paint her?".

I am so proud.

This Valentine's Day, your mom will be my Seoulmate

Me: Why do people send out Christmas cards?

Dad: Because it'd be awkward if they sent out Valentine's day cards

Me: ...God dammit...

"Last year, ok, so it's Valentine's weekend, right? Well I'm going to the Auto show the day before the 14th, and my wife she goes: "So Valentine's day is coming up. And you're going to that auto show, I would love for you to get me something that can go from 0 to 200 within seconds!

So I got her a bathroom scale."