It went down the road and turned into a field
Traffic was Tide up for hours.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
And people have already got their decorations up.
Breakfast and breakfurious
I said it must be my weekend immune system
It's the little things that count.
Tell a Redditor a joke, he will repost it for a lifetime
He was just trying to de-fendt the farmer
Heard this one years ago. Not OC
There's a man who loves tractors. Has tractor bed sheets tractor wallpaper. He loves them.
One day his wife says his obsession is getting in the way of their relationship so he is given an ultimatum. Either the tractor stuff goes or she does.
He takes a long walk to think it over and eventually decides to get rid of the tractor stuff.
A few years later he is walking down the road when he sees a building on fire and people still inside screaming from the windows. He runs up to the letterbox. Puts his mouth over the letterbox and sucks out all the bad fumes.
After the people were saved the fireman asks him how he saved all the people inside.
The man replies: I'm an ex tractor fan
The cowards sent a John Deere letter
A tractor.
DAM!!
Where's my tractor?
He has tractors books and toys,tractor wallpaper and pajamas, a tractor lunchbox, you name it.
The kids ambition when he grows up is to drive a tractor.
A few years later and the kid is old enough to drive a tractor for the first time,ends up falling out and breaking his leg. This puts him off tractors for good.
A while later he is out in town and hears screams, "help" comes the screams, "that building is burning,there are people trapped inside,they could die of smoke inhalation" The kid goes up to the building,opens a window and cups his hand like a straw. In one breath he sucks all the smoke out and saves the day.
How did you do that asks the crowd watching,that's superhuman. Oh that's nothing says the kid, I am an ex tractor fan!!!
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”
She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way"
Now I'm an iWitness
They all came out looking different but they taste the same.
She just wrote me a John Deere letter.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
February 14th.
Yeast-erday
im 25 💀
It turned into a field.
It turned into a field
It drove down then road and turned in to a field!
It’s the little things that count.
It went down a road and turned into field.
A tractor.
Traffic was Tide up for hours.
It drove down the road and turned into a field
It drove down the road and turned in to a field.
It was driving down the road, and suddenly it turned into a field!
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road & turned into a field.
Where is my tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
