My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Some Campy Humor

Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.

"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.

"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.

The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:

"Clearly the Czech is in the male."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When the American president found out that he was sexually attracted to both men and women, what did he say?

I guess I’m Bi Den

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Joe say to Donald on his way out the door?

Bi den

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sync_shark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the 46th president say while taking the White House keys from the 45th on his way out?

Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DancinOnTheMoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend: I like both men and women.

Me: Oh.. so you're Bi-den?

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/godoftheneworld
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
So you stopped being friends with me as I am a Trump supporter

Well Bi-den

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monty0613
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I am really fed up with all the president name jokes.

I will just avoid reddit until christmas. They should have gotten old bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwillbecomehokage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends said they’d un-friend if I wasn’t a Trump supporter

I told them β€œBi-den”.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What will Trump say if Biden wins?

Bi den

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shatari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the world technology driven?

Because God wanted us to live in E-den.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/do_or_dyee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.

We call it our Con Den session.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft Windows

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who’s on first?" might have turned out something like this:

Bud Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Lou Costello: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

Bud Abbott: Mac?

Lou Costello: No, the name’s Lou.

Bud Abbott: Your computer?

Lou Costello: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

Bud Abbott: Mac?

Lou Costello: I told you, my name’s Lou.

Bud Abbott: What about Windows?

Lou Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Bud Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?

Lou Costello: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

Bud Abbott: Wallpaper.

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/abbott-and-costello-meet-microsoft-windows/

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the NSA hate igloos?

Because they are snow dens.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TehNewDrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Think it's easy living in a cold animal house?

Nope! It's a terrible burden. >!Brrr-Den!<

Wasn't sure if this was the place to post, or if I should look for Dad jokes instead.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/like_to_climb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I've invented a device called 'The Baseball'.

I'm thinking of pitching it on Dragon's Den.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVilborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Last week, my friends and I ate way too much dim sum

We ate sum dim sum and den sum

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/izzydoesizzy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What are Mario's dungerees made from?

Den-im Den-im Den-im

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemurk22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
After watching Netflix's Super Monsters, my 4-yr old daughter asked me: "Where does Lobo (the werewolf) live?"

Me: I don't know, baby.. the monster house?

Her: No. That's wrong.

Me: A wolf den?

Her: No. You're wrong, daddy. He and his dad lives (sic?) in a werehouse!

Gotta say, I annoyingly fell for that one.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wishnana
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the CIA stop working in winter?

Because it will Snow-den

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tritoslp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a bunch of geese nesting in my neighborhood

It's quite a bird den dealing with them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wrneda02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend nearly got me today, I nearly fell for it.

Girlfriend: Have you heard of Sin city?

Me: Yeah, the movie?

Girlfriend: Nope, have you heard of Den city?

Me: No stop, I won't let you do this.

Girlfriend: It's mass over volume.

I think I'm in trouble for not letting her finish the joke

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goto335
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
🚨︎ report
German dad joke

Sadly it doesnt work in english. Ill give you the gist though.

Sei ich in einem langweiligen franzΓΆsisch Kurs. Stapel Stifte und Radiergummies, und nach einiger Zeit fragt die Lehrerin was ich den mache. "ich bin nebenberuflicher Hochstapler"

Translated gist: I was stacking pens and erasers in a french class. When the teacher asked what I was doing I said, Im a part time Hochstapler wich can basically mean high-stacker or fraudster

Got the whole class to laugh, twas fun

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tunro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Where does Russia hide their asylum seekers?

in a snow den

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitpoe_Sterr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Another gem from my dad

A grandfather is talking to his grandson in the den. He is reminiscing being a former paratrooper for the military. He began to tell his grandson the first time he had to jump out of a plane.

Grandfather: "Well there we were in the plane as the sergeant opened the door of the plane. He began yelling Go! Go! Go! And one by one troopers began jumping out. When the sergeant yelled for me to jump I couldn't do it, I was too scared. The sergeant then looked at me and says private if you don't jump I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

Grandson looks up at grandfather and asks: "Well did you jump grandpa."

To which the grandfather replies: "A little at first."

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cdub609
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
🚨︎ report
I think I know how Marvel is choosing who gets to direct their movies

The Amazing Spider-man was directed by a guy named named Webb.

For The Wolverine, they hired a guy named Mangled (Mangold)

And Guardians of the Galaxy was made by guy named Gunn.

So I am expecting them to announce that Kat Dennings will be directing Black Panther any day now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RiperSnifle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2015
🚨︎ report
My Dad emails my brothers and I almost daily..

Subject: Finally

"Starting to get a bit warmer in (Hometown.) All of January, it has been snow, wind, below zero temperatures, wind chills of minus 40. (His Wife) does nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. Couple of times the weather was so bad I had to let her in."

http://i.imgur.com/fDEnAdM.png

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckedAsBored
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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