Today, my friend asked me β€œwho is going to protect us from COVID?”

I said β€œyes they are.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warmLuke0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My bird protection agency:

No harm no fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bleish22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Son:What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?

Dad:Their effort goes in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi_akshat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The whole family got new phones. All of us bought Otter Boxes to protect our investment, except my teenage daughter who got a Hello Kitty cover with no screen protector.

It was a worst case scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acemask
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
[request] puns with the word 'jenga' for senior jersey

So we're in year 12 of high school and we all get jerseys, including our year advisor teachers who've let us, the students, decide their jersey name. Usually the jersey name is a witty pun or joke which uses the wearer's name.

One of the teachers has a last name which sounds exactly like 'jenga' (that's not her name is really spelt, but it's to protect her identity), so I'll be need your help to get some good puns.

If you guys can't think of any, the other teachers last name is Daher (pronounced "darr"), so suggestions for her name would be nice too. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HolyHypodermics
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
No one should be surprised that President Trump wants to make a Space Force

He's told us all along that he wants to protect the U.S from illegal aliens

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZebCarter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
First day at work

I started my internship today at an environmental consulting firm. My boss was introducing me to a colleague.

Boss: "This is Ellie-okay, he's the summer intern and he's studying civil engineering."

Colleague: "I can tell, he's very polite."

All the guys around his cubicle groaned while the three of us let out a big laugh. I think I'm gonna like working here.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ellie-okay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Asked my son if he had brushed his teeth this morning...

He said, "Yeah, I brushed them with Daniel (little brother)."

I replied, "Most of us prefer to use a toothbrush. Does a better job."

"I did!"

me grinning at him

"Oh. Oh, mommy!"

He cracked up. I've still got it!

*Names changed to protect the innocent **Yes, I know I'm a mom, but it's still a dad joke. :)

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charityveritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
🚨︎ report
So I'm a new dad, but I think I'm doing this dad joke thing right.

I'm a newly minted dad as of three months ago, but I've been practicing my dad jokes for years. In other words, I'm great at bad puns and face palming humor.

I gathered with a group of friends to see an old friend who we hadn't seen for a while. She was telling us about her new boyfriend. After saying that he was a cop, and also a culinary student I quickly quipped:

"So he really does Protect AND Serve."

Followed by a big new dad grin.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardedBatsard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
🚨︎ report
The lever bee.

This was always one of my dad's favorites to tell us.

A long time ago, there was a beehive in the middle of a forest. Every day, as worker bees do, they would go out into their fields, gather pollen from the flowers, and bring it back to make honey.

The bees had a problem, though, because every so often an intruder would come around, such as a bear who wanted the honey, or kids who thought it'd be fun to throw rocks at the hive. Finally, the bees got tired of it.

Being the intelligent bees that they are, they built an alarm system for the hive. They built it such that one bee pulls a lever, which triggers the alarm that the bees will hear from the fields, and then the bees can come back to protect their home.

There was one bee who was exclusively assigned that job, and he was aptly named the "Lever Bee." His job was to watch for potential adversaries, and pull the lever to raise the alarm.

Now clearly, the safety of the hive depends on this one Lever Bee. So it stands to reason that he has to be constantly ready and on the alert so that he can do his job.

And that, friends, is why people say, "I'm as ready as a Lever Bee."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kentron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.