Upstairs, Downstairs Puns

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well. > Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."

I was home alone a few hours ago and wanted to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I apply peanut butter and then go downstairs for jelly since there's none upstairs. I grab a new jar and try to open it. However I am incredibly weak so I fail to get it open. After five to ten minutes of trying to open it, I call my mother who is out running errands.

"Mom, are you coming home soon?" "No, why?" "... I can't get this jelly jar open..." "Look in the top shelf with the silverware. There's a red plastic thing. That's a jar opener, use that." "Alright, one sec..." Jar opens "YES!!" Jumps for joy and rushes back to phone "THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM!" "No problem." "I was in a real jam." mom hangs up, sighing

However, there was an issue with getting the preserves into the packaging phase as the manufacturing plant was downstairs and the bottling machinery was upstairs.

After carefully reviewing the process, the group settled on a solution.

They decided to Pump Up The Jam.

So a buddy of mine works in a shop and the manager is kinda weird. One day my friend is faking sick to go home early and says to his boss, "I was eating downstairs but I couldn't cause my head feels funny." To which his boss responded with a straight face, "Well did you try eating upstairs?"

My friend lost it.

Wife from upstairs : hey hun can you bring me a heartburn pill before coming up the stairs?

Me from downstairs: how am I going to bring the pill to you before coming up the stairs?

My 3-year old brother was hollering up to my mother, who is upstairs.

Brother: "Momma, come downstairs!"

Mother: "Just a minute, I'm getting ready."

Brother: "You're not getting ready, you're Momma!"

Found this funny, so I thought I should share it with y'all.

Our first day in it, I was unpacking boxes downstairs, when water started to drip from the ceiling. I went upstairs and found that my wife had showered, only to realize afterward that the shower lacked any kind of sealant between the tiles. Sensing my frustration with the shoddy workmanship, my wife replied, "You're just going to have to give it the benefit of the grout."

I dad joked my wife last night with the help of our 3mo old daughter.

It was time for Marlene (my 3mo old daughter) to get in to her PJs and get ready for bed. I scooped her up and flew her through the air (making rocket noises of course) and headed upstairs to change her diaper and get her in to her PJs. As I was flying her away from my wife. I said in my "Marlene Voice" (which actually sounds like Cartman),

>"Maam... When I come back, I'm going to be a changed woman!"

So I went and changed her diaper and got her in to her PJs which is a royal purple footed PJ outfit, and flew her back downstairs. When I got back downstairs I said, again in my Marlene voice,

>"Maam! I'm a changed woman! Changed in to a grape! Just don't make me angry!"

And my wife asked, >"Why shouldn't I make you angry?"

To which I replied as Marlene, >"Because then you will have to face my wrath!"

He tells me it's too late to build a fire, so I go upstairs on the computer. Later he calls me down because he built a fire. I come downstairs to see a tiny little candle in the fireplace.

I sleep downstairs and my dad sleeps upstairs.

Me: Well I'm off to bed.

Dad: Well I'm UP to bed.

God damnit dad