But you gotta fight for your right to Part E.
I said I'd take a stab at it.
Me: Hey, I got 2 tickets to Chili Con.
Him: K, so?
Edit: chili not chill
It was a grave mistake.
The feud court.
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
Everyone else will have to dress themselves.
Pretty neutral
It will be titled Adobe Wan Kenobi
He just stared me in the eyes and said, "it's all about the crowds energy, joule know watt to use"
The cast, made up of high-profile action stars, were choosing their roles.
Sylvester Stallone went "I want to be Mozart!". Bruce Willis said "Then I'll be Beethoven!" and Jean -Claude Van Damme, "I'll go with Tchaikovsky".
After a moment of silence, Arnold Schwarzenegger stood up, looked at everyone in the room, and said "I'll be Bach".
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The horse is very fast but my money's on his opponent who is a shoe-in
Turns out, it comes in a pair, and travels at 65 mph.
Its called the great Gatsleak.
Because they draw too much.
They both say "cue Cumberbatch".
Gave him a death role
But I was wrong, it made him Mossad
They want to keep it low key
It's called "Don of the Dead".
The first melon says: " You are the best thing that ever happened to me! I can't wait to marry you! All this planning for our big wedding is so stressful and expensive. Why don't we just run off and get married??"
The second melon replies: "I can't elope."
Last minute add to my upcoming wedding to have a hashtag with a terrible play on words of my last name for guest pictures. The last name is Edson, for safety purposes I've altered it but it's still the rhyme I need. Pun Reddit deities I beseech you to give me your very best. Any submissions are deeply appreciated
Her: what are you supposed to be dressed up as?
Me: a walking dad joke.
Her: ...?
Me: I'd be kind of lame.
North, things between West and me has recently gone South.
Not even remotely.
QUICK! I need help naming a Greek-themed fanfic/adventure blog for an upcoming Dnd game!
It’s not serious so go wild!
Theme is Mexican food and my last name is Bean. I know the possibilities are endless but I want something perfect.
"It'll be grated on a curve."
He’s in for a rude awakening.
Her - "When we get married, can we honeymoon in Iceland?"
Me - "Sure."
Her - "And we can have a party in a fjord?"
Me - "We'd have a Fjord Fiesta."
Her - "Goddammit."
I'm getting an early start on this dad jokes thing.
That would be considered a personal fowl.
He said "suit yourself."
He said nobody wants a Tetris movie.
I told him demand will fall in place very shortly.
I told her not to run herself in circles over it
Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What key won’t open any door? > A turkey!
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.
Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.
What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.
I'm looking any one-liner holiday themed puns.
Here are some I have come up with: 'Irish I was your agent' ( for St. Paddy's Day ), 'Never forget these gourd times' ( for Thanksgiving ), ' Happy Challah Days' ( Shabbat ), 'I love you a latka' ( Hanukkah ), 'Fo-Gelt About it' ( Hanukkah ), 'We're all rebels without a Claus' ( Christmas ), 'Chemes-tree is important' ( Christmas ), 'Does my hare look good' ( Easter )...
I have a newsletter I send and want to include some good puns / make a meme for upcoming holidays.
I said, “Don’t worry. Your parallel parking skills are unparalleled.”
It is 2020, after all.
The movie is called "You Tolkien to me?"
I’m trying hard to prepare for the roll.
Now all his hopes Argon
I told her to be sure to wear comfortable shoes.
The bear asks the rabbit, "You ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says, "No."
So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit...
It's your one way chicken to midnight.
