At the beginning of the term, my university professor makes all of his students buy the book that he wrote.

It’s textbook Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear of the film where a woodcutting cult on a small farm in the south?

It's called the Texas Chainsaw Mass-acre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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And then there's the story of the Jewish man at a South Korean university

He was the Chosun One

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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An anthropologist was cataloging south american folk remedies with the assistance a local tribal elder who indicated the leaves of a particular fern were the best cure for constipation. The anthropologist had doubts.

But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What does HIV become at the University of Florida?

Gatoraids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellac31
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
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When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.

It was a Shih Tzu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HairyClefairy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesn’t just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon. reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KicksandStrings
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Apparently Florida has the highest rate of infidelity in the country...

It's an unfortunate state of affairs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GIGA255
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is capital city of universe

University

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeriousDirt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.

I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...

...always came from Earth ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.

It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlessedBigIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Harvard University just ran a study proving 74% of the countries have flawed dams and it was dismissed

because it didnt hold water

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amigodojaspion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Seven Year Old Hit Me With His Best So Far

Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.

Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.

Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrodyTuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Ever heard of the polar bear that lives on both north & south poles, is manic depressive and attracted to both sexes?

Hes known as the bi-polar bi-polar bi polar bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of of mine opened a business in South Korea.

He’s a Seoul proprietor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Unfortunate events

There was this guy, mid to late twenties, black hair, just average next door type of guy. Mind you, he's not a dad yet. He's a honest worker who worked his way up in his job and makes a decent living for a man of his age. When he was a kid he was not extremely sharp and people would make fun of his stupidity. But he didn't care about that. He gave all he could and went abroad to get the best education from the best university of his time. He graduated top of the class. The he came back to his home town, got a job and fell in love with a beautiful young girl. They were about to get married but unfortunately for some reason god went "hmmm he's doing good for someone his age, better have small chat with him" and took him and he dropped dead just days before his wedding day. The bride who was about to get married to that man was absolutely devasted. She was so in love but unfortunately that didn't end well. She shut herself off from the world and cried every night. Lucky, for her the man left all he earned to be passed on to her if he happened to pass away before her. Then after a year of grieving the girl pulled herself out of her sadness and seclusion and bought a nice house for herself and settled there. But she never got married or made love The on one nice evening the women decided to go to the nearest pub and get some social interaction. She saw this young lad drinking booze all by himself and noticed he kinda looked sad. The lady decided to talk to that guy because she knew how miserable sadness can be. So she initiated a convo with that young lad. The lad took notice of the effort and kind heart of the lady and decided to share his life story, how he grew up in farm house and how he loved farming and all. He was rather peculiar about tractors and such farm equipments, spoke like someone describing about their love of their life. The lady noticed his love for his profession and inquired more. He went on to talk about tractors and all and how he dreamt of riding one when he was a kid and everything. He proceeded to tell how a few years ago a terrible accident made him hate the very tractors he loved as a kid. For someone who inquired more, the lady got tired of hearing about farm equipments and decided to call her day off and told the guy she's going to head back to her house. It was late night about half past 10 and so the lad offered to walk her home. The lady and the lad started to walk down the sub urbs, where the houses were distant and people occup

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uberdumb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
🚨︎ report
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked on the way to Universal Studios Florida

Driving up to the amusement park and pass a sign reading "Universal Parking."
Dad says, "do you think this is the parking for everybody?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K_Fred
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of Florida?

The ceiling, duh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_awesome365
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was in the capital of South Korea, I bought new shoes pads...

I felt like a new man, walking about with my new inSeouls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I finished my first year of university, but I gained 34 lbs...

First it was the Freshman-15, then the Covid-19.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1stdayof
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep

But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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In an alternate universe, instead of asking for whatever he touches to be gold, Midas just asked for his jokes to be made extremely hilarious.

Everything was comedy gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrammerTheGamer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Were going to see alot of this once hurricane Dorian hits southern Florida. And maybe some Axeidental puns that were felled in there.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daboss104
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Florida - domain of Florida man and puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nomaspapas
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The sound of him throwing his phone will be hear throughout the universe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDoNotHaveACunt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
On my recent trip to Florida, I noticed there were signs everywhere that said, β€œbeware of crocs”

I wonder why they are so afraid of shoes down there.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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A Chinese chef in Milan creating a pun of a Japanese food... Puns are truly the Universal language!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently did a tour of South Korea that included every city except the capital.

While I enjoyed it, I felt the trip had no Seoul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TD_KingJason
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my wife said "I would love to go to the south of France one day"

I said that would be Nice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaceman_spiff19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between The University of California-Berkeley and The University of California- Los Angeles?

At one UCLA and the other one UC-Berkeley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The result of Germany vs South Korea in World Cup
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Future_Banner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe

but if you remove it, you get gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Gravity's one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity, one of the most basic forces in the Universe. But then again, if you remove it...

You still have Gravy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most essential forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
To make extra money, my university professor makes all his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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