How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
I came home and saw a note from my wife stuck on the fridge: “I’m sorry. This isn’t working. You take things too literally. Goodbye.”
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
If singers moan in notes, then in which note does R Kelly moan?
What do you get when you mix a prophet with an enemy of the state?
The United States Postal Service got jokes
It's different. Take note everybody
Did you ever hear about the police unit that had a drug duck instead of a dog?
It was excellent at detecting quack
It can also be called mobile crisis units
How warm are the blankets in the neonatal unit?
Where did the music notes go to get some fried chicken?
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
During testing of a new version of Mars rover, a cat entered the test track and was run over. However, the cat was resuscitated when one staffer played a Benny Benassi hit track. A NASA representative has stated...
...that it was a pity that Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
What is the smartest state in America?
Alabama. It has four A’s and one B.
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
Watt is the unit of power?
Here is present the vampire state building.
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
Spencer Silver, an Inventor of Post-it Notes, is Dead at 80
I wonder where they'll stick him
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
What do you call a detective dog's party held in the United Arab Emirates?
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland
Dad: What state is famous for its potatoes?
Mom: Idaho?
Dad: Yes, you are.
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
The clandestine copying and distribution of literature banned by the state can be proven simply by comparing copies side by side.
Because that bit there is samizdat bit there
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
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