What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
The United States Postal Service got jokes
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
Why is it spelled "Color" in the US but "Colour" in Britain?
Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied it’s area by two, what would you get?
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
In the United States, you’re American.
But in the bathroom, European.
What comes after the USA?
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming “Mickey Mouse”!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked “Why did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said “I was trying to say Donald Duck!”
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
Today is PI day, which always makes me hungry for pie
Now a slice of pie in the United States will set you back $5
But in the Bahamas and Aruba you can buy that same slice of pie for just $1
Yep. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
President Trump has announced a ban on all shredded cheese in the United States.
In doing so he promises to Make America Grate Again.
what do you call an air conditioning unit in the capital of the united states?
What do you call a country of lazy people?
What is the longest name for a boy in the United States, but not in most other countries?
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
I was throwing darts at a map of the continental united states when I...
My dad when we were talking about recent crime in the United States...
Dad: Hey did you hear a bout what happened in Texas the other day?
Me: No, what happened?
Dad: Well there was these kids standing on an overpass of the highway, and they were dangling a noose over the edge trying to distract drivers. After a while the noose gets lower and lower and ends up catching a guys hand hanging out of the window, and ripped it clean off.
Me: Holy Shit no way that happened?!
Dad: Yup! And guess what they charged the kid with?
Me: I have no idea.
Dad: Armed Robbery....
Why is there 2 d's in 'Reddit'?
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
The United States Air Force is more than American...
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