There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
Watt is the unit of power?
As a chemistry teacher, someone asked me during one of my labs if I look at memes.
I had a kernel of energy left so I created something amaizeing and ear-resistable.
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland
Generating all of our power from solar energy ....
... its not going to happen overnight!
How do you call an army unit of babies?
I'm not sure what the big deal is with the national bird of the U.S
I've never seen its balls, but people keep saying it's a Balled Eagle
When someone says Joules are the superior unit of measurements for energy
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
The United States Postal Service got jokes
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.
The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.
No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied it’s area by two, what would you get?
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming “Mickey Mouse”!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked “Why did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said “I was trying to say Donald Duck!”
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
What's the opposite of Manchester United?
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
Saw a bunch of guys in the local department store, shouting “f#ck”, “b#ll&cks”, “w#nker”!
Then realised I was in the menswear section.
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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