How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
The United States Postal Service got jokes
Murphy’s law states that if something can go wrong, it will. Cole’s law is mostly cabbage.
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
Why is there 2 d's in 'Reddit'?
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
Dadjoked by a Constitutional Law professor.
This one's mostly about a refusal to cease and desist the dad jokes -
"Imagine Congress authorizes the military to hold a nationwide bake sale because they need/knead the dough."
Crickets.
"I was sure that would get a rise out of you."
More crickets.
"OK, I'll stop, though I'm clearly on a roll."
In the United States, you’re American.
But in the bathroom, European.
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied it’s area by two, what would you get?
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming “Mickey Mouse”!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked “Why did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said “I was trying to say Donald Duck!”
Why is it spelled "Color" in the US but "Colour" in Britain?
Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
President Trump has announced a ban on all shredded cheese in the United States.
In doing so he promises to Make America Grate Again.
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
What comes after the USA?
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong. Cole's Law...
Is basically just cabbage.
Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But do you know what Cole's Law is?
It's a side dish made from thinly sliced cabbage.
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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