How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
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︎ May 25 2021
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
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︎ May 21 2021
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.
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︎ May 22 2021
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
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︎ Apr 26 2021
United States of BEE
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︎ Mar 15 2021
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
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︎ Mar 29 2021
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Did you know thereβs a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
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︎ Oct 29 2020
The United States Postal Service got jokes
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︎ Aug 10 2020
Murphyβs law states that if something can go wrong, it will. Coleβs law is mostly cabbage.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
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︎ Dec 07 2017
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
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︎ Feb 18 2020
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the SpanishβAmerican War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Why is there 2 d's in 'Reddit'?
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︎ Feb 04 2020
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
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︎ Feb 22 2020
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
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︎ May 18 2017
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Dadjoked by a Constitutional Law professor.
This one's mostly about a refusal to cease and desist the dad jokes -
"Imagine Congress authorizes the military to hold a nationwide bake sale because they need/knead the dough."
Crickets.
"I was sure that would get a rise out of you."
More crickets.
"OK, I'll stop, though I'm clearly on a roll."
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︎ Jan 27 2015
In the United States, youβre American.
But in the bathroom, European.
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︎ Oct 15 2018
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
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︎ Jul 31 2018
Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?
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︎ Dec 26 2019
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied itβs area by two, what would you get?
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︎ Dec 06 2019
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming βMickey Mouseβ!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked βWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?β And the secret serviceman said βI was trying to say Donald Duck!β
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︎ Mar 11 2019
Why is it spelled "Color" in the US but "Colour" in Britain?
Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".
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︎ May 03 2021
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
President Trump has announced a ban on all shredded cheese in the United States.
In doing so he promises to Make America Grate Again.
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︎ Dec 25 2018
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
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︎ Oct 31 2020
What comes after the USA?
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︎ Jan 29 2021
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
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︎ Feb 20 2020
Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong. Cole's Law...
Is basically just cabbage.
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︎ Jun 21 2019
Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But do you know what Cole's Law is?
It's a side dish made from thinly sliced cabbage.
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︎ Feb 15 2019
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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︎ Dec 29 2018
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