A list of puns related to "Turn On Your Love Light"
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3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyāre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. āIād like some wings and a pint of beer, please,ā it says. āSorry, but I canāt serve you,ā the bartender replies. āYouāre out of your head.ā
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. āWe donāt serve your kind here,ā the bartender says. āWhy not?ā one yogurt asks. āWeāre cultured.ā
A friend of mine didnāt pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heās an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereās a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, āWhat are you staring at? Havenāt you ever seen a horse tending bar before?ā The guy says, āItās not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.ā
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, āWhatās with the paper towel?ā The pirate says, āArrr! Iāve got a Bounty on me head!ā
A turtle is crossing the road when heās mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, āI donāt know. It all happened so fast.ā
Armed robbersāsome say theyāre a drain on society, but youāve got to give it to them.
Barbersā¦you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donāt forget the pickle. Itās kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereās Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisā¦ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ā”A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itās a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itās tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donāt think itās feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereās a new type of broom out, itās sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canāt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itās pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnāt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnāt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ā”How does every Russian joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
Whats the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn? Ā Nothing, theyāre both fictional characters
Whatās meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? Ā Itās when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the partyās.
What do you call a Russian with Touretteās Syndrome? Ā Yukanol Fukov.
What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes? Ā A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada Userās Manual? Ā The bus and train timetables.
What is Communism? Ā The Poles say itās the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.
What do you call a gassy russian? Vladimir Tootin
What is the fastest country in the world? A: Russia
What do you call a Lada on a hill? Ā A bloody miracle.
What did Wendi Murdoch say to Vladimir Putin? Ā Put-it-in!
What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Ā Electricity.
Did you hear about the winner of the Russian beauty contest? Me neither.
When was the first Russian election held? Ā The time that God set Eve in front of Adam and said, āGo ahead, choose your wife.ā
Russia really Putin a lot of work for the Winter Olympics
I hate Russian dolls. Theyāre so full of themselves.
America: Hey Ivan..Ā Russia: da..Ā America: what do you call a gassy Russian..Ā Russia: hoe donāt-..Ā America: Vladimir Tootin..Ā Russia: ! Ā Ā America: !!..Ā Russia: fuck you.
Me: Netflix and chill more like NYET-flix and chill..Ā Closetcellist: in a russian accent NO FILMS. ONLY CHILL.
So you want to tell meā¦ Hilbert was Russian to the loud noise?
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: āWhat is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?ā Weāre answering: āThe English fairy tale start with āOnce upon a timeā¦ā, and ours with āIt will be soonā¦
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: āWhy some people say that Hungarians love the Russians and hate the Americans?ā Weāre answering: āBecause Russians helped Hungarians to get rid of one totalitarian rule, but Americans donāt help to get rid of the other.ā
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: āWhy Lenin wore regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?ā Weāre answering: āAt Leninās time, Ru
... keep reading on reddit ā”From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns
What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!
Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesnāt Hang Solow!
Why shouldnāt you ask Yoda for money? Because heās always a little short
What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi
What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks
What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul
Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!
Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!
Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.
Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.
Darth Vader: I know what youāre getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.
What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.
What is a jediās favorite toy? A yo-yoda
What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2
Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt
What is Jabba the Huttās middle name? āTheā Why is Han Solo a loner? Because heās solo.
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who wonāt fight? A Sithy.
What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.
What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2
Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.
Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt
Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe
What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett
What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke
Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.
Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn
What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones
Why did
... keep reading on reddit ā”A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itās a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itās tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donāt think itās feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereās a new type of broom out, itās sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canāt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itās pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnāt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnāt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ā”What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itās a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itās tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donāt think itās feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereās a new type of broom out, itās sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canāt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itās pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnāt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ā”Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.