Tuesday Work Puns

Because all that's left is WTF.

Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?

Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!

backstory: she works in an specialized autism classroom. And it's thursday.

Her: So, today I taught a kid long division.

Me: uh huh

Her: Yeah, we've been working on it since last tuesday-

Me: That IS long division

“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbageman,” he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

Last week a wheel broke off my office chair and I kept it because I'm never one to pass on the chance for prop humor.

On Tuesday I got invited out with two of my friends to go grab a drink after work, I was told their girlfriends would be there too.

I pocketed my wheel and brought it with me to the bar, after a while when the couples started getting into their own chit chat I silently placed the wheel on the bar.

My friend asked me why there was a wheel on the bar and I told him "Oh, I'm just solidifying my spot as the fifth wheel."

I laughed and then died a little on the inside.

Me: Dad you need start working out

Dad: I do work out almost every day, almost Monday, almost Tuesday ...

Tested it on Monday and it worked great, so he spent Tuesday - Thursday sailing it around. On Saturday the bow ruptured and it sank. The man sighed, shook his head and mumbled "shoulda known".

What caused the sub to fail?

The weekend.

My dad recently started working out, and so he got a personal trainer at our local gym. Earlier today they were texting each other....

Dad: Hey, are you available 5pm on Tuesday?

PT: I believe so. Let me get back to you to confirm that.

Dad: K, sounds good. I'm free other days as well, so if Tuesday doesn't work then no sweat :)

It was Tuesday night and we were at my work Christmas party when my boss comes to our table. Him: "The Sunday bar is open". Me: "But it's Tuesday". Him: "Look here, we don't need another smart ass. I have that position covered quite well". My mother(who normally is quit witted), "O_o I don't get it". My boss and me: -__-face palm

A fellow employee walks in looking for one of my cube mates, Lynn. Employee was informed that Lynn works from home on Tuesdays and walks away. 2 minutes later, my other cube mate begins singing "looking for Lynn in all the wrong places" to great comedic effect.

Sorry, but all I have is, I need ADOORable puns.

Thank you guys, keep it coming!