To The Max Puns

Finally, I cracked the case.

They make the Muscovit

Ok r/puns, help me have some fun :)

Launching a pooper scooper business and need help with business name suggestions.

Parameters:

• Would rather not directly use the word “poop”
• One to Two words ideal, three max
• family friendly

Current big names in the industry:

• DoodyCalls
• Poop 911
• Pet Butler
• Scoop Soldiers

Value Prop:

• Home of the five-star sanitizer & scoop
• Save time by letting us handle your pups dirty doo (Busy moms / professionals)
• Keep your yard sanitary for your furry friends and children

Fire away! 💩

I’d have enough to buy the DeWalt 20V MAX 20 V Cordless Brushed 2 Tool Compact Drill and Impact Driver Kit

We're watching Friday on HBO Max and I was mentioning how the movie was a spiritual cousin to Boyz In Da Hood. When I misspoke by saying "Ice T" instead of "Ice Cube," my sister said "So when did Ice T get cold enough to freeze into Ice Cube?"

Her husband & I groaned.

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said “well then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, “well what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, “well he can’t lay eggs”

A man has three dogs. The 1st is named Max. The 2nd, named Brutus, and the third named Clarice. One day, the owner comes home to find his childhood stuffed animal in pieces on the floor, cotton strewn about everywhere. In an effort to find out who the culprit is he lines up his three dogs. Looking at them he asks the 1st, “Max, did you do this?” Max wagged his tail and didn’t move from his spot. The owner looks over to the third, Clarice, who has taken it upon herself to lay down for some naps. As he looks into the middle of the two, he can see a tuft of cotton escaping from his snout and exclaims: “Pet two, Brutus?”

Under the current guidelines your milkshake is only permitted to bring 9 boys to the yard, max.

Just pretext: "un œuf" in french means "an/one egg".

French Teacher: Why do French people only eat one egg per day max?

Response: Because one egg is un œuf. (sounds similar to enough)

It may not seem very funny, but with the right prenunciation, this dadjoke is a killer vocally.

I don't have any kids, but I think this was pretty dad-like:

We usually scream at max volume when we play, but our other roommate was sleeping so we had to stay pretty quiet.

It was my Kung Lao and Kano vs his Smoke and Sonya.

I swept him clean, 3-0, and he gave the excuse, "It was because I couldn't get loud."

I told him, "Oh, but you did get loud... KUNG LAO'D!"

He groaned, I basked in the glory.

The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,

http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/mad-max-fury-road-image-the-war-rig.jpg

and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy

http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--/q-95/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/3/31/1427821675682/5e25da37-61d7-44fd-a9a3-b2f5b8b5a791-620x372.jpeg

I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didn’t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxer’s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasn’t hiring me for my looks and I wasn’t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - that’s me. Private Investigator’s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and that’ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

“So as I was saying, Mr Dad,” she began.

“Please, call me Max”

“Alright, Max… well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?”

“No that’s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,” I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, “I’m sure it’ll be a brief case.”

So leaving the resteraunt today, I noticed I had parked next to a nearly identical truck to mine. The only discernable difference being a Christian "fish" decal on the back of the other truck. As my teen son began to walk toward the stranger's truck, my youngest said "Max, that's the wrong truck." To which Max replied "Yeah. I thought there was something fishy about it."

I have raised them well.

On mobile sorry if errors. Context: I work in a bar. We hired a new girl, she came in right before it got busy. After two hours worked working together..

Me: "Sorry I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself. I'm Max by the way....but that's not my real last nMe"

Her:"Hi, I'm Gabbi, wait, what?"

Me:"nevermind"

"Of course they do, sweetheart," I replied, "When Max was a puppy he wanted to grow up to play shortstop for the New York Yankees!"