I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.

But that sort of thing stick in your mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My first time doing puns in real life. Ik it's horrible

So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J

J: You u should tie up your shoes

Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays

J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)

Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)

Conversation deviates

Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard

J: nah

Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZmentAdverti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:

Go outside and ride your bike

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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My brother, the pro baseball pitcher, told me about the time he intentionally walked every player on the opposing team as a protest against unfairness in life...

That took a lot of balls.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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It was a long time ago, a different time, when Bach wrote his music. I wonder what life was like Bach then 🎹
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Free-Author
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...

Oops, wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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I told a joke with a pun and she said that it took 5 years off her life. I responded with, "time flies when you're having pun!"
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImpossibleTheory9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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I rolled a joint for the first time in my life.

The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks until I can use my ankle again.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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My Life has been nothing but a disaster and if Just One More Thing fails for me, I think it'll be time to call it Quits.

Hmm...my racehorses really do have some strange names.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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It really helped me through a dark time in my life
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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My brother regrets many things in life but mostly he regrets not ever having a wild time before settling down and having kids.

Me? I have no rugrats.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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One of my favorite times in my life was when my brothers put me in car tires and pushed me down hills

They were Goodyear’s

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life....

I said β€œno mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”

πŸ‘︎ 454
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serion15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life.

That shit was nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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I wrote this joke during a very dark time in my life.

I have other things to do during the day.

πŸ‘︎ 464
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beck1670
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
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Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?

Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wigglesface
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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I've gone with without shaving for a while, for the first time in my adult life.

At first I wasn't sure whether I liked the beard, but it's growing on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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Taking life one muffin at a time may leave you with muffin left.

Is an explanation really necessary for this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovelesslion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
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Discovered this at 30 yrs old. I have a life time of built up dad jokes. Here's one from first grade. (under de sea)

First grade, I'm in the school play because, well, every one was. I can sing, always have been pretty good at it, so they gave me the job of playing Sebastian in our Little Mermaid rendition. We're singing "Under the Sea" and I look out to the audience to see my dad, in the front row, making the biggest, puffiest fish face his head will physically allow. I haven't done much acting since then.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chubaccatron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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I've heard this countless times in my life and it still never gets old to him.

Me: I'm hungry.

Dad: Nice to meet ya hungry, I'm Jack.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbestt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
🚨︎ report
I just rolled a joint for the first time in my life.

The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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