I heard that Tiger Wood's car accident was caused by a problem with his tires...

He had a hole in one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrewlord
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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I thought Tiger Woods was supposed to be good at driving...

Ba dum tish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amazingwolfboy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smelly_Anus69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks about…

…the other four letters?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I just read that a tiger was spotted downtown

I don't really believe it though, if it was spotted its probably a leopard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTaxman_cometh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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I once had the king of the jungle tell me he was actually a tiger.

He was lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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If I said I could be a tiger without stripes....

I'd be lion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...

We are going through a Rocky patch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I got the "I" of the Tiger
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πŸ‘€︎ u/araghar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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I heard Tiger Woods got a DUI...

He should have picked a different driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fr4gnetic
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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I just came across a tiger in a jungle.

I immediately wiped it off and apologised.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cleatus029
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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I have seen a tiger, dandelion
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourigh
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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I told my family that I've got the eye of the tiger!

Now it just says, "tger."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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I was at the Tigers game last night

I was sitting in some beautiful seats, just past third base down on ground level. A good spot for some foul balls.

After several whiffs, one finally gets close enough to my father, which he promptly takes in the ribs instead of catching, and like before, the bat boy runs by to pick up the ball - only this time he doesn't throw it back into the crowd. Makes our whole section upset (that, and all the beer we were drinking) so he gets booed every time he walks by now.

The dad joke, however, comes from the guy behind me.

"That kid better watch out...I'm gonna talk to his dad. Batman!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d4ed4e
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?

Pfizer! Pfizer! Pfizer!

Sagat Tiger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChadRStewart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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So a bear walks out of the woods onto a golf course

The golfers didn't want to bear with him about the whereabouts of Tiger Woods and ran towards another bearing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimalexp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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So the house cats went to the tigers engagement party.

The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, β€œWhy so quiet ? Don’t you like to have some boisterous fun ?” The cats replied, β€œOh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.”

PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinospam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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While you're making your decision, here are some pros and cons:

Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady

Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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How do you know if a tiger is male or female?

Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AciTroniX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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What do you do with a rhino with three balls?

Walk it, and pitch to the Tiger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?

A neighbor-toothed tiger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hisdudeness9829
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the Neanderthals most delicious dish ?

The Savory Tooth Tiger !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A lion will not cheat on his wife,

But a Tiger Wood!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashthewarrior7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Who would win between a totally white Dalmatian and a Tiger?

Well, certainly not the Tiger, because the Dalmatian wouldn't be spotted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I always tell the students I tutor Dad Jokes. A 1st grader tried to tell one of his own today...

Again....this is from a 1st grader...

Knock knock

Who's there

A panda Bear

A panda bear who?

No, you're supposed to say What Panda Bear...

Ok What panda bear?

Umm......a tiger?

Not a dad joke...but I laughed anyway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Neil DeGrasse Tyson's dad joke

If the Chicago Bears moved to Detroit, then Detroit would have the Lions, the Tigers, and the Bears. Oh MI!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Where is the most dangerous place to play golf?

In the Tiger Woods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oftenoffend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A lion is walking through the Safari...

He walks up to a zebra and says, "hey zebra, guess what? I'm a tiger." The zebra rolls it's eyes and the lion walks away. Next, the lion sees a giraffe and says, "hey giraffe, guess what? I'm a tiger." The giraffe scoffs and turns away. Finally, the lion walks up to a chimpanzee and says, "yo chimp, guess what? I'm a tiger..."

The chimp looks right back and the lion and says, "dude, will you quit lyin'..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajoltman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A best-selling author...

Have you heard of the novel "Revenge of the Tiger" by Claude Balls?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmaster1998
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals...

...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.

Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.

"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"

"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bittibitti
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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My 2 year old is watching Chitty Chitty bang bang for the second day in a row...

The MGM lion is doing his thing at the beginning and she says "oooh that's a scary tiger"

I quickly retorted, "that's a lion you know it!"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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A lion would never drive drunk...

But a Tiger Wood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASL1014
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
This one has made 5 year olds laugh

Q: How can you trust a tiger?

A: Because you know he's not lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flanger001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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Think my partner just dad joked me and I'm absolutely gutted.

We were sat watching TV and I said "I'm going to have a lie-in tomorrow", she replies with "I'm going to have a Tiger"...it isnt perfect but she got me nonetheless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blues_monster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Learned this from my dad: How do you catch a tiger?

There are a number of ways to catch a tiger, but following these simple steps will guarantee success:

  1. Dig a huge hole in the middle of the forest.
  2. Fill the hole half way up with ashes.
  3. Take some frozen peas, and put them all around the edge of the hole.
  4. Wait.
  5. When the tiger comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
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Got my Dad with this one

I was in the room with my dad when he was watching the news, they mentioned that some event had been cancelled when a Tiger had been spotted in the area.

"They must be confused, if it was spotted it was probably a Leopard"

Cue dirty look

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain23222
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Manager dadjoked us in the morning meeting

Context: I work at an aerospace company. There are two airlines that just contacted Us for work cost estimates: Lion Air and TigerAir. Designer: "I'm swamped with this Lion Air quote, I'll have to push Tiger's to tomorrow..." Manager: "Lions, tigers, and Baers, oh my!" (Baer is a private charter airline) He stood in the corner after that as we groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lorryguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2016
🚨︎ report
I have the eye of a tiger and the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...

We are going through a Rocky patch!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the giraffe say before being attacked by a lion?

Easy tiger!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?

A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A lion never cheats on their wife

But a Tiger Wood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JascosRS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
It's the DUI of the........

Tiger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DongWithAThong
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report

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