Thyme Cooking Puns

He says "oh, last thyme it didn't?"

It might taste old.

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

Cuz I forgot the thyme when cooking.

It's about time.

The friend sees it and says

"You shoudn't have got this. It's super rare and expensive. I'm probably going to use it for cooking anyway. It gives very nice flavor."

The guy responds

"Well if you're going to cook with it, better be now. There's no thyme like the present"

He managed to cook it just in thyme.

My wife was organizing her spices, and came to me with something on her hands.

"I spilled my thyme, now I have way too much thyme on my hands! I should find something productive to do with it."

After wiping it off, she said "Sorry, I'm not cooking today. Just don't have enough thyme on my hands for it."

I'm so proud of her, LMAO!

So we return home after food shopping. Sweet potatoes for sweet potato fries. Fuck yes. I was being pissy about how long we spent shopping and started helping with the cooking. I snapped saying we should have just cooked before going shopping. My girlfriend turned to me and said, "But we didn't have enough thyme on our hands"...

Edit: Grammar...

Went out grocery shopping and grabbed some thyme as I was planning to cook this soup I make that uses quite a bit of it. My girlfriend is helping me unload the groceries and notices the thyme, saying, "You know we still have a shaker of thyme right?"

I respond with a forlorn sigh and a wistful look into the distance, "Thyme sure flashes by..."

So I work in a kitchen and was busy selling the first special of the night. While cooking it I needed a key ingredient, that's when I landed the best dadjoke of the week.

Everyone was talking so I shouted "I don't have thyme for this!!!". When asked why I was yelling I said it was for the halibut.

I'm in the kitchen cooking for new years cutting thyme as this occurred..

Dad: "When did you learn how to cook?"

Me: "Ehh, I have a little extra thyme on my hands"

Dad: "Hmm, sooo that's why you never wear a watch"

I thought I had him stumped... I was wrong. I will forever learn from this man.

Uncle A, cooking dinner, shouts: 'do we have any thyme?'

Uncle P: 'about quarter to 7'

Mum: 'time you went to the shop!'

My family are hilarious.