A man loses three fingers in a work accident. He goes to the Emergency room and asks the doctor... "Will I be able to drive with this hand?". The doctor replies...
"Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."
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︎ Jan 13 2023
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︎ Jan 26 2023
After this storm, I will no longer be able to make jokes about the drought in California
There goes my dry sense of humor
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︎ Jan 05 2023
The mattress store sales clerk said there will never be a better mattress than this
We truly are at peak coil
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︎ Jan 16 2023
I told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage
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︎ Oct 19 2022
From this point on. There will be no aluminum panels on my home.
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︎ Mar 24 2022
I like to think one day everyone in this subreddit will be dropped off by their children at the old folks home (hopefully the same one). Then collectively, we could all look back with fond memories how they were once babies but since then
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︎ Apr 08 2022
I'm about to have an operation on my wrist. I asked the doctor "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
He said "Oh don't worry, you'll be playing within 2 weeks!"
I said "That's amazing, I've always wanted to play piano."
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︎ Jul 10 2021
Will Halloween be safe this year?
Yes, everyone will be masked.
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︎ Oct 16 2021
This will be my pun-ishment
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Next time this will be my order in bar for this year
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︎ Aug 24 2020
This guy (showing off his tan lines) will be a great dad in the future
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︎ Oct 13 2013
My Father will be releasing a new brand of giant breath mints later this year. He said it will be named after his children!
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︎ Mar 26 2021
Will this be what Americans say after the November election?
Trump me once, shame on you; Trump me twice, shame on me.
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︎ May 05 2020
With a snapple of my fingers, this drink will be 50% healthier. Like all this should be
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︎ May 01 2019
Why will people be sedated this new yearβs eve?
Because it will be 2020 24 hours to go.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
This will be difficult for most of you to hear
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︎ Mar 21 2020
This yearβs theme for Burning Man is βMetamorphosesβ. There will be lots of butterfly stuff so I made a sticker.
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︎ Aug 17 2019
Groups of more than six will be banned under new Corona rules. So we all know what this means...
Sneezy is getting kicked out the seven dwarfs.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
I will be flying for the first time so I looked up different airlines. Can anyone tell me if I should go with this airline?
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︎ Sep 07 2018
I made this cake for my stats teacher who got engaged. Our class is confident the marriage will be for a lifelong interval.
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︎ Mar 24 2019
Scheduled my vasectomy today, and my wife will be recovering from our last baby. Iβm sure no one will find this as funny as I did.
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︎ Aug 15 2019
I just told my suitcase that there will be no vacation this year, it sucks!
Emotional baggage is the worst!
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︎ May 09 2020
Anything put in this cup will be Caffeinated
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︎ Mar 06 2018
When I win the nobel prize, this will be my speech:
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side; my hips, for never lying; my legs, for always supporting me; my fingers and toes, for I can always count on them
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︎ Jul 02 2019
Incredibly, every time when you read this joke, the punchline will always be different.
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︎ Apr 17 2018
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︎ Oct 19 2014
I'm not a father, nor will I ever be, but this weekend I think I made dads everywhere proud.
I unknowingly sat on a pile of cheezits on Saturday at my cousin's graduation. When I stood up to wipe my butt off, I discovered my error and loudly exclaimed, "Oh, no wonder I was feeling so crumby." My whole family groaned, but this one woman sitting behind me laughed and said, "Good one!"
It was a proud moment for me.
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︎ Jun 08 2015
This will be better appreciated here (x-post r/chemistry)
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︎ Jan 07 2013
There will likely be fewer gifts from santa this year
The elves have been on strike.
Their biggest demand is universal elfcare.
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︎ Dec 17 2019
Now this will be in your head!!
Regular back:
- boring
- hurts
- full of bones
Backstreet's back:
- alright
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︎ Sep 16 2019
Got really bad eyesight, but at the end of this year Iβll get eye surgery to improve my vision, so hopefully next year it will be...
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︎ Sep 17 2019
Someday, somehow this subreddit will be shut down and you what it will be for us ?
It will be our PUNishment
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︎ Mar 29 2019
Jackie Chan recently announced that they have received the surgery to transition from male to female. Though, despite this, the most shocking part of this interview was her saying she will no longer be doing her own stunts.
She just doesnβt have the balls anymore
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︎ Jul 17 2019
I can't wait for Christmas this December, but the 31st will be stressful.
I've been diagnosed with old langxiety.
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︎ Nov 14 2018
When your pun becomes your business - spotted on the Isle of Wight. I reckon that this time next year, they will be millionaires...
imgur.com/MAA6njW
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︎ Dec 12 2016
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︎ Dec 02 2018
In honour of Canada playing Russia in World Junior hockey this evening, I predict we will be putin on the gold medal.
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︎ Jan 06 2015
i think this bubble butt pic belongs in here... (try and guess what it will be... )
imgur.com/qLpvnaV
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︎ Oct 08 2013
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︎ Jun 27 2014
I told my suitcases just now there will be no holiday this year.
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
I told my suit cases just how There will be no holiday this year
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage
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︎ Apr 17 2021
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