This is the first time weβre not going to Hawaii for Christmas because of COVID.
We normally donβt go because we canβt afford it.
π︎ 37
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︎ Dec 18 2021
This is the one time of the year itβs ok to disappoint people
No one gets mad when you drop the ball.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 01 2022
My boss told me βthis is the third time youβve been late this week! You know what this means!?β
I said ββ¦. Itβs Wednesday?β
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︎ Oct 06 2021
I was drinking a light beer when I suddenly got the urge to try a Blue Ribbon beer. I had the worst hangover... this is the 2nd time I've done this with the same result! The saying is true...
Those who cannot remember the Pabst are doomed to repeat it.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 19 2021
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
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︎ Jan 14 2020
During my time as a PhD student I used to draw stupid puns on the whiteboard. This is one of my favourites.
π︎ 24
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︎ May 22 2020
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project youβre working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 28 2020
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...
π︎ 24
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︎ Jun 12 2020
The moment I learned that βphα»β is actually pronounced βfuh,β I knew the time was ripe to write a Google review for my all-time favourite phα» restaurant. (I guess this qualifies more as βracy wordplayβ than it does βpunnyβ?)
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 10 2020
Got told this one is scouts a long time ago. If youβre Russian when youβre walking in the bathroom and German when you come out, what are you while youβre in the bathroom?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 03 2020
This is the time of the year when I get really annoyed when everyone writes βXβ instead of βChrist.β
I calm myself down by playing my Christ Box 360.
π︎ 96
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︎ Oct 20 2018
If this isn't a sign of the times, I don't know what is.
π︎ 127
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︎ Oct 18 2017
In this time of crisis I believe it is our duty as a community to make a rapid respons team to help the rest of the world!
We will be known as the rapid respuns
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 13 2020
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 07 2019
So I hear they're coming out with another sequel to Undertale, but this time, the final boss is an extinct giant shark.
His boss battle theme will be called Megalodonia.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 21 2019
My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity Iβm involved in that Iβm really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.
But I reply βNO I AM A CAPITALISTβ
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 16 2019
This is my dad's favorite joke that he tells all the time (long)
It's the end of the Kindergarten year, and for all the kindergartners to graduate to first grade they all have to take a simple test.
The teacher walks up to the first kid and goes "Okay Jimmy. To graduate we have to name a few simple body parts. Where are your fingers?"
Jimmy wiggles his fingers.
"Good. Where are your knees?"
Jimmy points to his knees
"Very good. Last question. Where is your nose?"
Jimmy points to his nose
"Very good! How did you know all that?"
Jimmy points to his head and says, "Kidneys"
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 21 2019
"This is the seventh time in three years that you are appearing in front of me," said the judge, "What do you have to say for yourself?" "But your honor," came the reply,
"It's surely not my fault that you haven't been promoted."
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 28 2019
This winter is having a tough time in the job market.
π︎ 25
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︎ Jan 07 2018
All of this criticism and backlash over Eminem's recent verses and punchlines is just the collective groan expected when the greatest rapper of all time starts making epic dad jokes.
FINAL FORM!
DAD'S UNITE!
OUR TIME HAS COME!
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 26 2019
The inventor of the time machine is depressed, so I bet he can't wait to put this year ahead of him.
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 31 2018
This is the second time that this forumβs leaders have made me so emotional.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 03 2019
This is the last time I'm telling you this: I am NOT the Invisible Man.
π︎ 6
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︎ May 12 2017
My name is Nick. My dad told me this all the time growing up
You'll never be penniless, but you'll always be Nicholas..
god dammit
π︎ 91
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︎ Feb 13 2014
My dad used to draw short, one panel comics all the time, back in the day. This is one of my favorites, I thought it belonged here.
Titled "Assault"
http://imgur.com/P8vQXfo
π︎ 30
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︎ Jan 19 2014
My father comes out with crap all the time, but this one is something else.
'Did you hear about that shooting in Hounslow? Yeah, they closed the shop and everything: some guy had a starter pistol and was threatening to shoot everyone.'
<the sound of my mother and me shocked and putting on BBC News>
'The police said it was race related.'
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 18 2015
I've lived 24 years this is the first time I heard my dad make a dadjoke
[in the backyard]
Dad: How come you still haven't cleaned your car.
Me: Sorry I just didn't have any time.
Dad: (walks over to plants)There's thyme right here, and scallions.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 22 2015
My teenage girlfriend dadjokes me all the time, but this one is my favorite.
Her: Well he was a good cook, but he's no henweigh.
Me: What's a henweigh?
Her: Oh five to ten pounds. ;)
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 10 2013
This is not the time for jokes, Dad...
http://i.imgur.com/22Fl8kX.jpg
π︎ 24
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︎ Jun 23 2014
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