What do you call things that are said under the covers?
Blanket statements
Did you know that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands? And the same thing applies to the Virgin Islands;
There are no canaries there either.
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
Wife: What is that green thing you are putting on your belt?
Husband: Its thyme, I like to waist thyme.
I want to create a sculpture of all the things that are holding humanity back.
I'd call it "statue of limitations".
Boss: "what's that?", Me: (with much enthusiasm) "it's a SPACE BAR!!!!!" *wets myself laughing*, Boss: "...................." *delivers withering look* "are you allowed to stick things on your laptop?", Me: *dies inside at another badly landed pun*
Vacuums are the only thing that can be really expensive and still suck
There are so many things that I am looking forward to in the new year...
You could say that my vision is 2020.
What are the top two things that improve your hearing?
Your ears
Marijuana causes users to become so mellow that they may lose all interest in things that are important. It's a tension deficit disorder.
My Dad Said That There Are 2 Things That Will Never Get Old
Dad Jokes and Unvaccinated Children
Does anyone else say, "Come in" when someone knocks on the bathroom door while you are on the toilet...not sure if that's a dad thing or just me...
There are two things that always make me jump.
My legs.
You guys are filled with Cheesy puns. Thats a Gouda thing.
There are many things in the world, that can get you arrested.
Take bribes, for example.
What are the three things that make a Dad joke?
When it really pops, it's all Groaned up, and When the punchline becomes Apparent.
