A list of puns related to "The Whisperers"
βWhoβs thinking outside the box now Gary?β
When I asked him what he did, he said "Communication is the key"
βI can hear you guys. You might say that Iβmβ¦ Christmas Evesdropping.β I love this kid.
Dinner is on me
βTheyβre right behind youβ
"You grab one end and Iβll grab the other!!"
She said: βThe dishes need to be washed, the laundry needs to be done, the toilet needs to be scrubbedβ¦β
βurineβ
I want to get cremated. That would be my last chance to get a smoking-hot body!
At the bossβ funeral, a disgruntled employee kneeled next to the coffin and whispered, βWhoβs thinking outside the box now, Gary?β
I hate funerals because I'm not a mourning person.
My music teacher died while we were writing a song together. I guess he's decomposing now.
A will is simply a dead giveaway.
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you're ready to handle the reaper cushions.
I want my loved ones to throw a party when I pass. After all, it is called a funeral.
The sign at the cemetery states, "Do Not Pass."
"I'm a little hoarse"
He heard that communication is key
"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.
Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye. I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was. Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!"
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."
EDIT: thanks for my first award whoever you were!
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didnβt think so, itβs on a knead to dough basis."
He was a real neigh sayer.
"Hey! How much for a hot dog?" He asks the librarian.The librarian says, "are you crazy? This is a library!""Oh, sorry about that." He answers."^How ^much ^for ^a ^hot ^dog?" ^He ^whispers.
A blonde walks into the library and says to the librarian "I'll have a cheeseburger fries and a Coke"
The librarian says"ma'am, this is a library"
The blonde then says sorry and whispers "I'll have a cheeseburger fries and a Coke"
βSure, Iβm all ears.β
-Hello! She saidDo you have any chicken sandwiches here?The librarian answered: im sorry this is a libraryThe blonde then whispered do you have any chicken sandwiches?
Because he was a famous neigh-sayer.
He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal⦠Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.
He then stumbles upon this video of an old man, playing the acoustic guitar on his front porch: a beautiful rendition of ββStairway to Heavenββ. Gentle, touching, absolutely gorgeous. The bar owner canβt help but cry. He immediately knows this is the man he wants for his bar, and gets in contact with him.
The musician, over the phone, thank him over and over again for the amazing opportunity. He explains that heβs a retired judge who was pressured to go into law by his parents, over 50 years ago. In his heart, heβs always dreamed of being a musician and to perform in front of a real audience. This is the first time heβll ever get to do it.
The bar owner is even more touched by his story, and decides to immediately sign him on for 10 night shows. The old judge is over the moon, this is everything heβs ever dreamed of! The two men leave the call, happy and content.
That night, the bar owner hypes all of the regulars, telling them about this amazing new act that theyβll get to see tomorrow. He tells them to bring some friends, bring some family, no one has ever heard music like that before. The patrons are excited and promise to bring everyone they know.
The night arrives, and the old judge gets on stage. The bar is absolutely packed, people give him a standing ovation before heβs even started. Beaming with joy and trying his best not to cry, he calms the audience down. ββThank you, thank you so much, everyone. Thank you to Jim, the owner, for believing in me. I know he loved my cover of βStairway to Heavenβ, but tonight, I figured Iβd do some original compositions. I hope you like them.ββ He sits down and starts playing.
He slams down on his guitar and lets out a piercing screech. Everyone in the room freezes
For the next half hour, without ever stopping, he plays dozens of discordant chords while yelling incoherent words like ββpineapple sauce!ββ and ββlove and hate are second cousins!ββ. He screams then whispers, playing notes that donβt make any sort of reasonable sense.
The audience is stunned. No one dares to say a word. The sweet old man seems so sincere in his rendition, yet itβs justβ¦ horrendous.
The owner has a million thoughts racing all at once. How could this h
... keep reading on reddit β‘Where do Gerbil go on vacation?
Hamsterdam
...is won't stalk a doubt pine trees blisters plug.
This is from a few years ago, but it's one of my favorite's from my dad:
"So, let me get this straight... he can train all these other dogs, but he can't keep his one bitch in line?"
He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.
He asks the widow if he could say a word. He goes to the front and says "Plethora" and sits back down. The widow leans over and whispers "Thanks, that means a lot."
A stranger unbeknownst to the wife, though a longtime friend of the husband, also asks to say a word.
"Sugar," he says to crowd.
"That's very sweet," said the widow.
Another man approaches, he had been a close companion of the deceased. He too asks the widow if he might speak, and heads to the front.
"Bargain," he says.
The widow pats his arm. "That means a great deal"
Another man comes forward and asks to speak, he says "a cold beer".
The widow says "thanks, he would have liked that."
A man comes up and asks to say a few words and, the widow gives him the okay. He steps up to the mic and says with confidence: βWater pit.β
The widow gives a small smile. βThanks, I know you mean well.β
Yet another man approaches the widow and asks if he could say something.
He steps up to the microphone and says "Planet Earth."
The widow says, "That means the world to me."
Also, in attendance was her gynecologist who wished to share a word.
βSpeculum,β he said to the crowd.
βThat has touched me deeply,β said the widow.
As they are enjoying their drinks a couple of tough guys walk up and try to pick a fight with autobahn because of his accent. Bike lane steps out from behind freeway and fixes them with an icy glare. They apologize and leave the bar. Freeway whispers to the barman, βWhat was that all about?β
βDonβt you know?β Replies the barman, βHeβs a freaking cycle path!β
She goes up to the librarian and asks "Hey, can I have a ham sandwich?"
The librarian replies "Ma'am, this is a library..."
She replies "Oh..."
Then she whispers "can i have a ham sandwich?"
My little sister's joke. Cracks me up everytim.
The librarian whispers "They're right behind you."
When a man sits down next to her and whispers in her ear "may I say a word?"
Of course she replies.
The man stands up, clears his throat and says "plethora" and sits back down.
The grieving widow leans towards him and says, "thanks, that means a lot."
I'm getting married Saturday and I need some ideas for a great situational joke to play on my bride to be.
At my best man's wedding, when he was expected to say "I do", he paused. Then he ran over to the groomsmen, and we huddled up and whispered for a few moments. After a few nods he ran back to the altar and said "I do." It was a great way to break the formality and tension and went off great.
I want something similar. Something pseudo-wholesome( that's why I'm in r/Dadjokes!), that can break the tension and get a few chuckles. But not something uncouth, deviant, sexual, or terribly disruptive. Please help me out!
I heard this joke probably 35-40 years ago and just thought of it again recently. My dad loved this joke, but I can't remember the punchline.
An older couple had been married for many, many years. So many years in fact that she knew all his jokes my heart. They decided to save time by numbering all of his jokes. While sitting together in their rockers, he would lean over and whisper, "Number 7." She giggled while continuing her knitting. A few minutes later, he learned over again and whispered, "Number 12." This time, she laughed out loud.
Then something funny happens.
They snuck from their beds in the middle of the night and met in the gloomy darkness in front of the house, shivering in the cold.
The first boy said in a loud whisper, "You guys bring anything?" He slid a gun out of his pocket. The second boy nodded and revealed a knife. The third boy pulled out a flashlight.
"You didn't bring a weapon?" the first boy asked. He shrugged and replied, "Sorry". And as if to prove it, he turned his pockets out to show nothing but stray lint and a pack of cough drops.
They crept in. The door shut behind them. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. The flash light clicked on. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door on the other side, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a dead body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They found a fully set, ornate dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal goblets, pitchers and silverware adorned the table. Spiders crept over ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hel
... keep reading on reddit β‘I took my wife to the orchestra. I'm not a huge fan, but it was her birthday present. The evening was a night of Rachmaninoff.
It's been an evening, and they get to his 9th symphony. It's a longer piece, and there's this whole movement where it's all percussion and wind instruments. The bassists leave the stage, and two cellists also step away. No big deal. The cellists apparently went back to the conductor's dressing room and began having sex, which I think is just awesome. The bassists went to the green room and started drinking. They knew how long they had. When one of the younger guys noticed the time almost up, an older one stopped him, and let him know that he threaded the score pages together, forcing the conductor to vamp and cover while he opened the rest of the score. That gives them a bit more time. When they get back to the stage, they're really drunk. The cellists still haven't returned. The conductor is frantically trying to undo his score while maintaining the piece. I'm watching this all, gleefully. It's the best concert I ever saw. My wife is a bit frustrated though, and whispers to me "why are you so pleased?"
I tell her, "It's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, the basses are loaded and there are two out!"
A teenager had a crush on a girl all throughout highschool, and he finally decides to ask her to the prom, to which she agreed. Two weeks before the prom, he went to rent a tuxedo. When he got to the tuxedo store, there was a long line. He decided to wait anyway, and he got his tuxedo. A week before the prom, he went to go rent a limo. When he arrived at the limo place there was a huge line, but he decided to wait anyway to get his limo. On the day of prom, he went to buy a corsage. When he got to the floral store, there was a huge line. He decided to wait anyway, and he bought his date a corsage. During the night of prom everything was going well. They were dancing and having a good time. The girl whispered into his ear to ask if he would go get her some punch. The young man looked over to the punch table and there was no punchline.
...when he came upon a group of four women building a fire. When they saw him one said, "This is a private ceremony. No men allowed!" The man apologized and turned around and went back the way he came, but curiousity got the best of him.
As soon as he was out of sight he went into the nearby woods and quietly crept towards the women to find out what their ceremony was all about. By the time he was close enough to hear them they were sitting around the small fire that they had built.
He watched as one woman pulled out some meat from her bag and said in a serious voice, "Partake in this pig flesh to represent your connection to death," and handed it to the fourth woman.
Then the second woman pulled out some cheese from her bag and said with the same seriousness, "Partake in this creature's gift to represent your connection to life," and handed it to the fourth woman.
The third woman then whispered to the fourth, "The meat used to be raw and the cheese used to be moldy, but too many new Sisters were getting sick." Then in a serious voice she said, "Partake in the gift of the soil to represent your connection to the Earth," and she handed the fourth woman some bread.
The three women then said together, "Partake in these gifts and join our Coven."
The man suddenly understood what the women were doing on the beach. They were making a sand witch!
The librarian scolds him, βSir, this is a library!β
The man looks around apologetically to the other patrons, leans close to the librarian, and whispers,
^(βSorry! Iβd like a ham sandwich with pickle and mayo.β)
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
I kneeled down next to the coffin and whispered, βwho is thinking outside the box now?β
Then I leaned in close to his coffin and whispered:
Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?
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