True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
And the whole company groans
I really hate the ads for this one company
The company was not charged for illegally putting lids onto random items across the whole country.
There was a wide-scale cover up.
Need a new roof? Let me recommend my sister’s all female company...
Companies are putting AI into everything nowadays. By the way, have you heard about that new robot receptionist at the motel?
His name is Optimus Chime. Very nice guy.
I once worked for a company drilling holes in concrete....
but I quit because it was boring.....
Did you hear about the company that decided to produce those Halloween-themed mints?
They said it's a scare tictac
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.
They said it was grounds for termination.
Welcoming our new company president, everyone danced the Bossa Nova.
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...
...lately, he's been feeling down.
When you think of a rental car company, you think of Hertz, Budget, and Avis
Sadly, some people never remember Alamo
The Heinz company came out with a pair of eyeglasses.
They claim it will make your vision 57/57
I used to work at a can crushing company
It’s soda-pressing.
Happy Father’s Day!
Have you heard about the vacuum company's new CEO?
They hired him because of his good business Vacuumen.
Every company on July 1st
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CQyL-WInGBF/?utm_medium=copy_link
Company password
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacremento"
When asked why they had such a long password, the employee rolled their eyes and said "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital!"
What’s the difference between an Indian restaurant and a Vietnamese restaurant?
Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.
A large oil company has announced that it is going to start producing fuel from insect urine.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards...
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history?
I proposed to my girlfriend, who is the VP of marketing at her company.
Looking forward to the Fibonacci convention this year, it's supposed to be really special..
..and as big as the last two put together.
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
What does Sean Connery, a concrete company, baseball, and folks without technology have in common
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.
They call it mourning wood.
Argon enters a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases here.”
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
Channing Tatum is starting a new internet service company.
It's called Channing Tatum Channeling Datum.
I hired a pest control company and I think I got ripped off
My children are still here
Why don't vampires buy company shares?
They are afraid of stake holder meetings.
Ever since the power company shut off my electricity
I’ve been in a very dark place.
My parents always pushed me to get a big job. So i worked at a soda company just to sprite them.
What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
Our Tea Company only allows men in the quality control department. It is a requirement,
When company uses a pun on their product, I’m sold.
Why wasn't the scuba diver invited to the company's executive beach party?
Because he was below C-level.
What was a very common name in the middle ages?
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
I signed up for my company’s 401k
But I’m nervous because I’ve never ran that far before.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the... Bottom...
(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)
What pan is the best to make sushi in?
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened
Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions
Is there a company that’ll deliver food to your old girlfriend?
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"
"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..
A large oil company has announced that it is going to start producing fuel from insect urine.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
