But she still won't admit she framed me.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
I needed a creative outlet.
Would he have written βPoutine on the Ritz?β
...it was a bit of an anticlimax.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerβ¦.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! β€οΈ
A pupperfish
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
I was walking on air!
Itβs got itβs ups and downs
Now they are my ten ants
stair lifts
Art.
Well, the flag's a big plus!
You look for the fresh prints!
We had a very platonic relationship
They're Millennial Falcons
Ursine seal delivered.
Thanks to the Dad. Papa Razzi.
Me: I hope the color works out too since there's gym equipment right there. Might as well take advantage of it.
I don't know but I'm getting hungry.
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
"dam"
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
A sandwitch
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Japan.
When he arrives she says βIβve decided what I want for dinner.β
He said he can't complain.
That was the punchline
I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
A log cabin!
was a mazing
He said, βChange the batteries in your hearing aidβ.
It was my climb-it change.
-Dad, what are you doing?
-Listening to AC/DC.
βDam!β
Lou.
At lath.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.
Well, their flag is a big plus
Dam.
