You’ll do a lot of dumb things in your youth, son, and that’s okay, because most of the consequences won’t follow you into adulthood. But you know what will always come back to haunt you?
My financial advisor wants me to do the whole investor thing.
I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour
Do you know the last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Son, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
From the moment I saw you I knew I wanted to do unspeakable things with you....
The best thing to do when encountering a door jam,
Open a nearby door so you can stick it in ajar.
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
What’s up with ghosts haunting people? Aren’t there more interesting things to do in the afterlife? [OC]
Apparently there’s a group down the street that’s amazing at grabbing things, but they refuse to do it when I’m around.
They never seize to amaze me
Do you know what the last thing to go through a fly's brain is as it hits your windshield?
What is the first thing you have to do when throwing a party in outer space?
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
The sweetest thing you can do for your partner is lose a tennis match to them by not scoring a single point.
I own a rabbit farm, but I want to get rid of them. The thing is, I don’t know how to do it, so I was thinking I should call someone to help me with that. Then I thought to myself:
A magician should do the trick.
I asked the surfer dude if he had a document laying out the things to do in his beautiful city. He said:
They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead, so when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead...
Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...
Did you hear about the latest thing Donald Trump is trying to do? He’s planning to ban shredded cheese.
He just wants to make America grate again.
Where do sharks go to sell the things they’ve stolen?
The otter exhibit at my local zoo is empty. They must have otter things to do.
I remember as a kid my dad got fired from his job as a road worker fir theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing but when i got home, the signs were all there.
There’s no time like today to do the things you love. For me, that thing is fishing.
Did you hear about the naked guy found circling the same bush over and over again at the park? The cops came to arrest him for indecent exposure. When asked why he would do such a thing...
he kept beating around the bush.
What's a dog's favorite thing to do at the beach?
Finding the perfect mouse for your PC sounds like a hard thing to do.
But once your hand gets comfortable using a mouse, it just clicks.
Not wearing a coat is really the cool thing to do.
for the 4th of july, here's a little known america fact: did you know that as the national bird, there’s a whole list of things that you can’t do to an eagle under federal law?
obviously you can't kill one, but you also can't relocate one from where it's living, cause an eagle nest to come to any harm, and the oddest part, as i'm not sure how they'd even track this, is there's even a bit in the law about infecting them with any communicable diseases?
but i suppose there's really no way around that being ill eagle
The first thing I need to do today is check in on my stoner buddy.
He is high on my list of priorities.
My wife and I were talking about starting a family and all the health things you're supposed to do like not eat processed sliced meats. Unfortunately she currently eats a turkey sandwich most days for her lunch.
I told her she better start trying alternatives soon, it's going to be hard to quit eating her current lunch cold turkey.
What's the hardest thing for a two day sober law student to do?
There is a lot of things I need to do in order to get ready for work in the morning
going pee is a clear number 1.
When I enlist in the Space Force™️ the first thing they’re gonna do is send me to
The last thing I want to do is die.
What's coffee's favorite thing to do at the gym?
My friends dad called a toll free number and he proceeded to do the most dadjoke thing ever...
"an answering machine just told my dad "you want to speak to a representative, correct? please say yes or no." and with a totally straight face he goes 'yes or no' "
One of my favorite dad things to do is to call out to my son as he is walking into the school yard.
Hey buddy
Stops and turns... Yeah dad
Nothing buddy
Works on just about everyone.
My dad's go-to when asked to do things around the house.
Mom: "Hey dear, can you go do X?"
Dad: "I'm terribly sorry, but I can't. My arms have bones in them."
Dunno if it counts as a true dadjoke, but I always get a kick out of it when I'm around.
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other: “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
