A list of puns related to "The Strain"
That left scientists scratching their heads.
Don't worry, you won't catch it.
Sorry for the Saab story.
She said, "whey!"
It's Un-Boll-Weevilble!
Assam-ple would be helpful.
I hope not to strain in seeing how this joke brews with the subreddit.
You could say my creation is a little device-seive.
The other day i yelled into a colander and i strained my voice.
It turned out to be koala dung left when they hang in the trees at night. When I requested a tea sieve the waiter replied, "The Koala teas of Mercy are never strained".
Last night, in the kitchen, I was talking to the colander and I think it strained my voice
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
A man in Australia took a train to the town of Mercy, where he heard there was a coffee shop that served drinks named after Australian animals. When he arrived, he decided to try the Koala Tea. He received his order quickly, which turned out to basically be a cup of hot water filled with whole eucalyptus leaves.
The man asked the barista, "Excuse me, there seems to be a lot of loose leaves in my tea."
The barista replied, "Yes, sir, the Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained."
He's coughing and spluttering. With a strained voice, he asks the bartender for a glass of water, and thirstily guzzles down the entire glass in one go.
"You must have really needed that!" said the bartender, "Do you feel any better?"
"Well, I'm still a little hoarse..."
A fence sieve. I strained to make this joke up as I was cooking dinner. The punchline is probably pretty weak and can't hold water.
A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952–2009)
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;
Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;
And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;
So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;
There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;
Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;
When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;
He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";
His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;
His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;
His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;
But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;
For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;
I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;
And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;
Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";
I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;
And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"
Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.
A long, long time ago in Egypt the Israelites were held as slaves. One day the evil Pharaoh passed a decree that no Israelite could cut the grass outside their house.
The grass grew and grew, covering the houses and making it quite an ordeal for the Israelites to go to work in the morning, which put a bit of a strain on the old pyramid building that was all the rage at the time. But Pharaoh didn't care and the edict still stood. No Israelite could cut the grass outside their home.
Eventually the elders had had enough and called upon Moses, who had a bit of a rapport with Pharaoh, being brought up together and all that jazz.
"Moses, you must convince Pharaoh to see sense and let us remove the grass from outside our homes!" they implored.
Moses nodded, picked up his staff and sought an audience with Pharaoh.
In the royal chambers, Moses approached Pharaoh. "Yes, Moses? How can I help?" asked Pharaoh.
Moses stood tall, stared deep into Pharaoh's eyes, raised his staff aloft, cleared his throat and with a booming voice said, "Pharaoh! Let my people mow!"
Today I attempted for the first time ever to make my own mozzarella. I had my mom help me out because some of the instructions were very exact and I needed some extra hands. As we're scooping the curds from the pot and straining it I paused and said:
"Hang on a second, let me get that out of the whey."
We both stood there laughing for a bit, it was so bad it was good.
My dad and I were at the driving range hitting golf balls. He steps up to take a big shot, strains himself a little too hard and simultaneously rips a fart as he hits the ball.
"Hit the shit outta that one!"
I still chuckle when I think about it.
My grandad told me this one and it stayed with me forever.
"Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the army?" he asked me one day, this should have told me something was off right away because no one ever even mentioned him being in any army. "I was having an affair with my superior officer, she was beautiful. But it was too weird, too strained by the fact that I was a private and she a Sergeant. So I pulled her aside one day and said, 'listen Tina, I have to break it off, it's getting too difficult to keep going. But she was mad about me and she started crying. I tried to console her, I said 'Don't cry for me Sergeant Tina!!'
Q: how does the mitochondria communicate with the ribosomes A: cell phone
Q: what happened when the noodles were getting everyone wet? A: they had to be re-strained
Watching The Strain when the doctors start doing an autopsy on a vampire body
Sister: So the vampire virus destroys all of the hosts organs?
Me: No it just changes them into different organs.
Dad: Yeah, they're... disorganized!
Laughter ensues
Me: Did you see that new documentary on Constipation?
The Dad: What?
Me: It hasn't come out yet...
The Dad: Hahaha. That's a hard one.
Me: lol, indeed
The Dad: That's straining.
Me: You're pushing it, [The Dad].
The Dad: I'm not even close to being finished yet!!
Me: You are really stuck on them, aren't you?
The Dad: I am just so impacted by all this.
Me: I just can't get a good joke out...
The Dad: Oh, It's out now... I just can't drop it.
Me: lol. You may be the king of puns...
The Dad: It's an over thirty Dad thing...
His Wife: Yeah, you are full of it.
My boss was making us warm apple cider and one of my coworkers said that the cider was really good, and that the orange peels gave it a nice kick. My boss looks at me, then my coworker then says "I guess you can say is very appealing." We both gave a strained chuckle and continued on with work
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