The Stage Awards Puns

I sometimes go to the “Idiot of the Year” event in our prairie town, where each year hundreds of people from the town and nearby villages gather in the community hall for jokes and a guessing game. It starts with various people coming on stage to tell bad jokes, and finishes with the guessing game, which involves the master of ceremonies pulling a blanket off a mystery object on stage. The first person to name the object gets the “Idiot of the Year” trophy, which is an old shoe nailed to a block of wood. Three years ago, the object was an old bicycle, and Melvin Sneeter, who works in the local hardware store, was the first to yell out “bicycle”. Two years ago, Cynthia Frizzle, a housewife from the nearby town of Spuzzum, was correct with “tricycle”. And last year, the object was a bit more difficult, so the trophy wasn't awarded, because nobody knew the name of that one-wheeled contraption that you must balance and pedal.

This vain actress wins an award for rising talent. On the stage for her acceptance speech, she gets carried away and screams "I'm going to be the brightest star you will ever see!"

A voice from the audience: "you can't be Sirius"