What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?

β€œOdour in the court!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Your mother couldn’t believe that an actual skunk could predict the future.

But it was a real fortune smeller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b33fb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Empty change machine, broken skunk, the year 2020...

They don't make sense

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterrandom1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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What did Archimedies say to the Skunk?

Eu reeka

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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What did the skunk preacher say to his congregation?

LET US SPRAY!

My 73 year old dad told this joke to me this morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/May_I_inquire
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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What is the skunk's favorite quote

I stink, therefore I am.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Why did the skunk cross the road?

To get to the odor side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
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Did you hear the joke about the skunk?

Don't worry, it stinks anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArdelLedbetter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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I met this wine-waiter with the most terrible body odor, like a dead skunk.

Only he was sommelier.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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What did Daddy Skunk say to his children at the start of their self defense class?

Let us spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best...

The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey stood nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. None in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, an alligator came along and swallowed them all... hawk, lion and stinker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle.

my grandpa tells this one all the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameyBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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A skunk, a doe, a duck, and a giraffe walk into a bar...

As they order their drinks, the bartender asks, β€œWho’s paying for these?”

The skunk says β€œDon’t look at me, I’ve only got one scent”

The doe replies β€œnot me, I haven’t had a buck in years!”

The duck answers β€œSorry, I only have one bill on me”

Finally, the giraffe chimes in β€œDon’t worry guys, the high balls are on me”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigAssSackOfTree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Animals puns for wedding tables...

We're having a Canadian wedding with an animal theme to differentiate the different tables. On each table we'll have an animal emblem with some kind of love pun for each animal. It's been a trying affair to come up with these, but I know a lot of them could be better. In fact, most of them are downright ridiculous.

Reddit, how can we improve these?

Moose - I find you amoosing.

Beaver - I think I'll pick this flower for her, it would beavery romantic.

Owl - Owl always love you.

Fox - You are the object of my affoxtion.

Skunk - I stink you're sweet!

Bunny - Everybunny loves you!

Woodpecker - Knock Knock! Who's there? Wood! Wood who? Wood you be mine?

Porcupuine. I'm stuck on you.

Wolf - Wolf you marry me?

Trout - We'll be together trout eternity!

Turtle - You're turtley amazing.

Lynx - Let us lynx our lives together.

Bear - To be away from you is unbearable.

Squirrel - I'm going nuts for you!

Raven - Can't stop raven about you.

Turkey - I could just gobble you up!

Caribou - Where does one find a wedding ring for his deer? Why at the cariboutique, of course.

Deer - I love you deerly!

Goose - You give me goose bumps.

Sasquatch - Getting you to marry me was no small feat.

Also looking for some ideas for racoon, snake, and groundhogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TonyMcConkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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Tonight's groaners at the dinner table ...

Did you hear about the broken change machine?

It doesn't make cents.

How about the skunk that couldn't spray?

It doesn't make scents either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brousch
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
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So a man sees his pastor at a liquor store on Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.

So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.

He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"

The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"

I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_from_detroit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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I dadjoked my sister's joke. Better than the original punchline!

Sis: What did the judge say when the skunk entered the court room?

Me: Odor in the court.

Sis: No, but that's good!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndieCurtis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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First post, starting with one of my favorites.

So, as a dad of 2 boys (7 and 3) and coming from a long lineage of corny/inappropriate fathers, I wanted to share one of my favorites for a road trip.

Dad: I saw a dead skunk in the road, I one it. Son: I two it Dad: I three it..... This continues until the dad says "I seven it" Son: I eight it Dad: that is just disgusting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2legit2kwit01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Dad joked by my own daughter... I'm raising her well.

Driving into our neighborhood, windows open, start smelling skunk.

Me: Ugh, why is there skunk smell so far into the city?

Her: Maybe someone was keeping one as a pet, and it... Backfired!

Me: proud groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TapThatSAS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2014
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My mom got me and my dad as we played Cribbage

Me and my Dad were playing cribbage and he skunked me (if you're unfamiliar with the game in means he beat me by a lot) so after the game I say

"Let's go, one more, redemption is the name of the game"

my mom from the other room calls out "I thought it was called Cribbage?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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A group of animals went to a bar for drinks.

When the tab came they pooled their money to pay.

The Duck had a bill

The Frog had a greenback.

The deer had a buck.

The Skunk had a scent.

Then the giraffe said,"Don't worry boys, the High Balls are on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveHRRT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom

Odor in the court!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tpatt83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What did the judge say when the skunk walked into his court?

"Odor in the court!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machinehead115
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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