G, you knit?
He's always looking for a quarterback sack.
It won't get rid of them,but it will stop them squeaking!
Would be then be 2 quarters?
Because they were 'week'.
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
The farmer's wife said "300 times, isn't that wonderful, dear? Maybe you should watch him. Maybe he'll show you how..." The farmer replied "Yeah, he's a hell of a bull, but it wasn't all with the same cow."
He wasn't happy.
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
I find that odd !!
One of them isn't Happy.
But she refused to give me one.
Daughter: Dad, it's really STUPID out there today. You'd better take your dumbrella.
Me: I've never been more proud.
What is Tom Hanks' favorite drink?
The Polar Expresso
I just close my eyes and pretend it's not there
..one of them won't be Happy.
He had a Huit allergy.
It's a no brainer.
... One of them isn’t Happy.
They retired to their separate quarters
I use the date of birth of a person I know. For example from Margarete von Henneberg. Nobody knows her. So how should someone get my password 1234?
The pay per see.
He looks at the peddler and goes, "wow, that guy really has a lot on his head!"
One of them isn't happy
I thought, “Wow, what a cheapskate!”
Why are you so re-cent-ful of me?
I was seacht.
He walked into the police station and yelled "help! I'm on five per cent!" First, a cop punched him. Then, one of them plugged him in to a power bank Suddenly he had reached 100%. It was a miracle They charged him with assault and battery
Because he wanted to germinate!
On the other hand, seven fingers!
Gladimir Putin
Came up with this in the car yesterday night on the way to seven eleven and I’m proud.
Then your are part of the precipitate.
"I have the solution for you," replied the doctor.
"Really, what is it?"
“Well, try getting up half an hour later."
He was a Marshal artist.
They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".
The answer is always whole-sum
It's partly an even number
Because they’re miners
she immediately responded, "50 cent"
it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!
Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.
Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.
Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.
Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...
Take my glove
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still three
You can't take this Skye from me
One of them is not Happy.
