Urine trouble.
Probable caws.
Terrible Dr. Agon
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
He really gets a kick out of it.
There was instant confusion
"You have cancer and alzheimer's," the doctor finished.
The man sighed and said, "Well, at least it isn't cancer."
t: “what seems to be the problem?” p: “i’m scared of letters on their own” t: “oh, i see”
p: AGHH
Suture self 🤷♂️
Doctor: I see
Patient: Well no need to rub it in.
They're nuts!
Doctor: "I'm afraid your days may be numbered."
Doctor replies "OK, you're ugly, too."
Because of all the cut backs.
Patient: yes.
Doctor: what do you smoke?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
All they do is talk about their own problems
- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?
- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.
Incestry DNA
he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
You look for the fresh prints!
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Japan.
it's Hans free now..
Because all they get is normal saline.
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
That was the punchline
Shoe fly don't bother me.
Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.
Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.
Doctor: Actually, it's viral.
Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.
-
No worries Steve, this will work out just fine. It’s an easy procedure.
-
But doctor, I’m not Steve!!
-
I know, I am Steve.
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Oops, wrong sub.
Attire
handshakes
But Patrick is the star.
because he was PATIENT
Patient: yes
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
