The Rag Trade Puns

It only cost me a buck

Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.

..... Will get a reward.

The Bushes

You look for the fresh prints!

Argon does not react.

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

It was a pretty hard bargain

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

Japan.

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

it's Hans free now..

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

That was the punchline

Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance.

TLDR; I wanted to say Sir Lancelot

They dilate

Not even remotely.

He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

I got a little behind in my work

Oops, wrong sub.

Attire

For example

1. I ate my friend's lunch
2. I ate my friend's colon

handshakes

Crypt-toe currency.

But Patrick is the star.

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

The no bell prize.

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

He said no.

Potty training

Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?

Me: Car?

Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The direction the first letter faces

That’s not a lizard, the store clerk told me. That’s a stand-up chameleon

Really big hands

..to find exactly 32 of them.

I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it....

The difference is staggering.

A church.

It replies: 'nope, I' m travelling light'

Attire.