two whales walk into a bar. One says to the other: โOOOOOOOOOOuuuuuuueeeeeooooooooooyyeeeeooooouuuuuuuuuueeooooooooOOOOOOEUUUIooooooOOO๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ฆ๐ฆโโโโโโโโoอกอoอกอoฬฬoฬฬoฬฬuฬฬ๐พ๐พ๐พ๐พ๐
พ๏ธ๐ด ๐ด ๐ด ใoอฆฬฅoอฆฬฅoาoาoาuาuาuฬธoโ oโ uอฬบuอฬบoอฬบoอoอuอoอแแแoฬถuฬถโ the other whale looks over and says
๐︎ 161
๐
︎ Jul 13 2022
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?"
The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Mar 11 2022
There are two shopping carts. One contains 8 pieces of cheese, and the other one contains 9 pieces of cheese.
The second shopping cart is a cheese grater.
๐︎ 27
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︎ Jul 06 2022
Two cows in a field. One turns to the other and says โmooโ
The other responds โfer chrissakes Gary, I was gonna say that!โ
๐︎ 59
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︎ Jun 03 2022
I used to know two European sound technicians just across the border from each other: a Slovakian oneโฆ
๐︎ 8
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︎ Jun 26 2022
Two fish are in a tank one turns to the other and says:
๐︎ 25
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︎ May 25 2022
There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, โhey man, itโs hot in hereโ
The other muffin says, โholy shit! Itโs a talking muffin!โ
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jun 11 2022
My daughter was at the fair the other night. Two girls got into a fight. My daughter broke it up.
I asked her why did you break it up? It was a fair fight. (True story btw).
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 30 2022
Two birds sat on a Perch. One says to the other...
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jun 07 2022
Two fish swimming, one fish hits concrete and turns to the other and says...
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ May 01 2022
Why did the two tunnels not talk to each other
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 29 2022
I saw two snow plows parked next to each other down the street while their drivers had a quick chat.
I told my wife they were having a plow-wow.
Barely a chuckle. sigh
My sons are three and one so they had no idea what I was talking about.
Had to share with some other fellow dad joke enthusiasts.
๐︎ 2k
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︎ Dec 30 2021
Two men walk into a bar. One man orders HโO. The other man says: "I'll have HโO, too."
๐︎ 7k
๐
︎ Aug 31 2021
two hats are sitting on a hat rack. one turns to the other and says.......
"You stay here, I'm gonna go on a head"
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ May 04 2022
Two Carbon atoms are sitting next to each other at the bar
One looks at the other and say "I think I just lost an electron!!" The other says "Are you sure??!!" Atom looks back and says "Yup, I'm positive"
๐︎ 23
๐
︎ Mar 31 2022
What did the two pyromaniac parents say to each other when their eldest boy burnt down the neighbors' house?
Well, it's definitely arson.
๐︎ 11
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︎ Mar 15 2022
Police arrested two kids yesterday: one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and and let the other off.
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Apr 03 2022
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Aug 13 2021
Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and asks,
๐︎ 53
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︎ Jan 05 2022
Two fish are sitting in a tank and one says to the other...
You drive and I'll work the gun.
It's my cake day. Thought I'd share.
๐︎ 97
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︎ Dec 29 2021
Two mushroom walk into a bar. One says to to the other "hey can i buy you a drink"
the other say " AHHHH, A TALKING MUSHROOOM!!!!"
๐︎ 8
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︎ Feb 13 2022
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other
Does this taste funny to you?
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Feb 20 2022
There's two goldfish in a tank, and one says to the other...
Do you know how to drive this thing?
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Jan 15 2022
Two fish swam into a concrete wall. One looked to the other an saidโฆ
๐︎ 19
๐
︎ Jan 21 2022
A man on a business trip went into a singles bar, approached two women, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm...and collected.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Dec 28 2021
Two brothers plan on sharing the soda they just bought, half half. The first brother drinks the entire bottle in a minute. The other bother says "why the hell did you drink the entire thing? We were going to each have half!"
The brother who chugged the soda responds "my half was on the bottom."
๐︎ 25
๐
︎ Dec 09 2021
I was on a train the other day when two Swedish men sat down next to me
The two introduced themselves as Sven and Olf. Olf in particular was wearing a t-shirt with the USSR flag on and boasted a cap with a hammer and sickle on, so I assumed he was an avid communist. I asked them if either of them knew where I could get alcohol on the train, and Olf piped up:
"If you go to carriage 4, you can get a guinness, you idiot. You can also find a stella in carriage 6, dumbass. There's also someone microbrewing in the front of the train, but he looks stupid."
I was a bit taken aback at how mean Olf was, but I thanked him for the information. Soon after, when he got up to go to the bathroom, I asked Sven what the deal was with his friend.
"Don't worry" he said.
"Rude Olf the red knows train beer."
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Dec 25 2021
Two IT Admins walk in an apple store one looks at the other and says donโt fart in here
They donโt have windows.
๐︎ 25
๐
︎ Nov 28 2021
There are two wolves inside you. One is Virginia Wolff. The other is Beowulf.
You are an Introduction to English Literature syllabus.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 18 2021
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
โI canโt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereโ
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Feb 02 2021
Two pirates attacked a ship carrying famous artworks and stole the Mona Lisa painting. One pirate looked at the painting and said something is missing. The other one agreed...
๐︎ 3
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︎ Oct 07 2021
Two sibling cells are dancing when one steps on the other,
The one cells says: Ouch, mitosis!
๐︎ 10
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︎ Oct 03 2021
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Oct 21 2019
Two men walk into a bar. One man orders HโO. The other man says: "I'll have HโO, too."
The bartender, having neither Hydrogen Peroxide nor the inability to understand contextual requests, gives both men a glass of water.
๐︎ 17
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︎ Aug 31 2021
Two nuts are running down the street. The one nut yells to the other nut.
๐︎ 55
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Two horses in a field, one says to the other โIโm so hungry, I could eat a horseโ
The other replies โmoooโ
๐︎ 320
๐
︎ Mar 20 2021
I went to Italy and saw two ticks in a tree. One was bringing a lot of stuff to the other, I would assume to try and woo it.
I thought to myself, now thatโs a Roman-tic.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 05 2021
So there was two fish in a tank and one of them asked the other...
"How do you drive this thing?"
edit: the two fish WERE in the tank, not was
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ May 30 2022
Two muffins sitting in the oven, one says to the other. โ Itโs hot in here.โ The other one says.
Holy shit a talking muffin.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ May 02 2022
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber โis this whiskey?โ
The other says โyeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bankโ.
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Mar 19 2022
Two fish are in a tank. The one fish asked the other fishโฆ
Do you know how to drive this thing
๐︎ 28
๐
︎ Oct 13 2021
There are two muffins in an oven, and one muffin says to the other muffin, โDang! Itโs hot in here!โ
And the other muffin says, โOh my God! A talking muffin!โ
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Sep 20 2021
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other.....
How do you drive this thing ?
๐︎ 204
๐
︎ May 13 2021
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