Currently working on a new project- Twitter: The Movie
I entered the national rage competition after being told I was easily angered, but lost to a guy who was much angrier than me.
I'm not sure what the big deal is with the national bird of the U.S
I've never seen its balls, but people keep saying it's a Balled Eagle
My daughter: dad, what key is the national anthem in?
Me: I think it's in...... Francis Scott key.
True story
Contractor walks to the corner of a new project
Says, “from the right angle this looks great!”
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
I almost qualified for the national curling team
But I slid out of contention.
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
The nation of Iran lies between the ancient lands of Babylon to the west and the mountains of Afghanistan to the east...
In other words, it’s between Iraq and a hard place.
What is the most sought after nation right now?
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
"car-pool tunnel syndrome."
I was surprised at first that the national dish of Tanzania was pasta
, but I'm not one to question it, and I can't deny it was great Serenghetti.
My love for my wife is like the national debt.
It's enormous. It seems likes it's been around forever. It is growing every day. It's something that will be passed onto our children and grandchildren.
The invention of the shovel was ground breaking..
But the invention of the broom really swept the nation
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
Did you hear about the Canadian racist when he heard the First Nations people were getting their own territory?
Well he was having Nunavut.
My friend the pirate was a national boxing champion.
He had a deadly right hook.
What is the most common nationality of the people who manufacture fake pubic hair for tv and movies?
"Okay rookie, the first thing you've got to learn about making pornography for the blind is: Voice Projection."
"That sounds hard."
"Thank you. I'm a professional."
This tasty plant wasn't just a big dill, it was the National Anethum
What nationality makes the best Mechs?
Mechs-icans!
(Actually a kid joke from my boy)
Have you seen the car crash at the national association for blind people?
Witnesses claim they didn't see it coming
There should be an international assembly for the proper way to separate out a sentence...
The Commawealth of Nations
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
Did you know that you change nationalities when you really have to go to the bathroom?
When you’re trying to find the facilities, you’re Russian. Once you get there though, European.
My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.
But atleast she has a smoothie
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
TIL there was once a nation whose Navy could only attack when the enemy was behind them.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?
The president of the National Referees Association has been arrested for corruption.
Investigators haven't released the name of the whistle-blower.
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.
Their next car is Elon gated.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting a
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of America’s national bird.
His actions were highly ill-eagle
The project to restore Big Ben was a bit behind schedule, so the construction company put on a third shift...
Men are now working around the clock.
Did you know, the national arcade game of Mexico is...
Nancy Pelosi made the most epic dad joke in front of the entire nation.
She thought the State of the Union speech was tearable.
All donkeys of the world gathered in a rally and demanded a seperate nation for donkeys
The leader donkey got shot and killed.
Ass-as-a-nation
without the washington monument america would be a pointless nation
Canadian Joke
The history of Canada, Chapter 1: The Beaver
national symbol of Canada and a "dam" fine hat
My daughter asked: what's on the inside of the nugget?
My wife said: the nu-guts
I'll see us all out now
The national coin shortage is a problem that we can solve if we all...
Be the change that we wanna see.
I’ve been working on a passion project called ‘The Dirtiest Dishes’
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