The Mule Puns

It took 4 hours for surgeons to remove Randy's head from his ass.

"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase.

He did everything half-assed

He half-assed everything.

He was barely doing any of his work right! What a half-ass!

Whoever it was did a half-assed job!

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

could I call it a Moscow Mitch?

Explanation: A cocktail called a Moscow Mule is served in copper mugs. The mint julep is Kentucky Derby's official drink, and Mitch McConnell is the senator from Kentucky who has blocked legislation to stop Russian interference in US elections, earning him the nickname "Moscow Mitch" among his critics.

My wife and I are sitting at the dinner table, talking about our soon-to-be-born baby. She is telling me how much the baby is kicking. I said "The baby is kicking like a donkey - or is it a mule?" My wife agrees.

I say (completely straight-faced) "What is a mule's favorite novel?" My wife is stumped. "Donkey-jote."

She sits there for a couple of seconds, and says "Do me a favor: just save all those kinds of jokes for when the baby is born..."

Carved on to the post was some roman-looking words:

TOTI

EMUL

ESTO

After two hours of analysing the words, he was approached by the farmer that owned the field. "What are you looking at chap?" Said the farmer.

"I'm trying to figure out the meaning of the writing on this post... it looks Roman! This could be a great find!" The archaeologist replied.

"Let me take a look" says the farmer as he analyses the carving.

"It says "To tie mules to" you silly twat".

Credit to Stephen Fry on No Such Thing As A Fish podcast

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