There were 2 monkeys sitting in the bath...
One says to the other: 'oooooo eeeeee oooooo aaaaa'
The other says: 'put the cold tap on then!'
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︎ Feb 21 2021
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Apr 16 2020
What's the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle?
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Two monkeys are sat in the bath. One says "oooh oooh aah aah"
The other says "well put some more cold in then"
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What did the old man tell the monkey that dropped a bar of gold ?
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︎ Sep 30 2020
What did the monkey say when his tail got ran over?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
Two monkeys in a bath one said ohh ohh ahh ahh and the other one said
Ok ok I will put some cold in then
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︎ Jul 17 2020
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
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︎ May 19 2020
If monkeys start stealing clothes from everyone it'll be the Rise of the planet of the Dr'apes'
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︎ Apr 07 2020
Why the monkey put a steak on his head?
He thought he was a grilla.
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︎ Feb 21 2020
What did a sad monkey say to the other
I have Kipling-depression
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︎ Feb 15 2020
Why did the monkey want his grandkids to call him Papa?
Because he didn't want to banana
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︎ Jan 11 2020
Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.
There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.
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︎ Nov 04 2019
What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks?
It's won't be long now!
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︎ Dec 05 2019
Did you hear about the two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
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︎ Sep 25 2019
My 8 year old cousins best joke yet: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
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︎ May 16 2019
I went to see the Artic Monkeys but they played upside down so they were the Antartic Monkeys
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︎ Nov 06 2019
I bought a dancing monkey the other day
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︎ Oct 20 2019
Paddy Murphy was asked to bring a cage full of monkeys to the zoo
He was given 50 quid for the job. The boss on the way home catches Paddy going the wrong way, "what are ye at Paddy, I have you 50 quid to bring them to the zoo"
Paddy says "I know ye but I had change left over so I'm bringing them to the movies now"
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︎ Oct 07 2019
I hear that the Arctic Monkeys recently sold a Carpet to the current Real Madrid manager.
I bet that it looks good on Zidane's floor.
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︎ Aug 11 2019
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead! Ahahaha.
My dad wasnβt very good at jokes
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︎ Jan 15 2019
Went to the zoo with my dad yesterday and saw a piece of toast in the monkey habitat.
He told me it was bread in captivity.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
Saw a monkey trying to stuff two bananas in its mouth at the same time. Thought it was odd.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
Before she got her monkey, Dora the Explorer used to have a cute little pet calf.
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︎ Nov 25 2018
A monkey at the zoo set poop on fire and start throwing it.
A few people suffered from turd debris burns.
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︎ Feb 21 2018
What is the capuchin monkeyβs favorite drink?
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︎ Jul 19 2018
My daughter is a huge fan of The Arctic Monkeys
But she wasn't such a fan of my joke.
(If they ever make a tour stop within 250 miles, I think I now owe her concert tickets...)
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︎ Jul 22 2017
Did you hear about the monkey's promotion?
He's the new branch manager
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︎ Dec 11 2018
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
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︎ Sep 13 2019
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one sayβs βooh ooh aah ooh aahβ
The second one sayβs βwell put some cold water in it thenβ
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
π︎ 40
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︎ Feb 22 2020
The weirdest job I ever had was cleaning the monkey cage at our local zoo.
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︎ Apr 26 2020
What did the Monkey say when his tail got run over by a train?
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︎ Jan 09 2020
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Jun 12 2019
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Feb 11 2019
TIL: that the average human eats more bananas than monkeys
... I don't remember the last time I ate a monkey ...
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︎ Sep 27 2019
I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys.
No surprises there, I canβt even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Jun 26 2019
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
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︎ Jul 13 2018
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