If the Earth is the third planet from the Sun...
...does that mean that every country is a third-world country?
Gravity is the most powerful force on Earth....
But if you remove it, you get gravy.
I like it when the Earth rotates
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
If the atmosphere surrounds the globe, what would be above a flat earth?
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I am 100% certain that I make the greatest microwaveable waffles on Earth
But you may think I'm just an Eggomaniac
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.
Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?
Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?
What did the Terminator say to Arwen after he arrived in Middle-earth?
Come with me if you want to, Liv Tyler.
I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I replied "the count from Sesame Street."
They told me, "he doesn't count!" I replied, "I assure you, he does."
I never thought the sun really goes around the earth
The detective shuddered when he realised the weapons from each crime scene were the same weight
They weren't just chasing a serial killer, they were chasing a mass murderer
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I got fired from Subway yesterday for accidentally giving a customer the incorrect sandwich
A theif has been stealing all the wheels from police cars
The police has been working tirelessly to get him
On which side of the earth should you build a house?
Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords
Scientists became so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.
They decided to call it a day.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t even well rounded.
How does the Sun deliver light to Earth?
I came home and saw a note from my wife stuck on the fridge: “I’m sorry. This isn’t working. You take things too literally. Goodbye.”
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
Soup (I know it’s from Instagram but that’s why I kept the @ of the account in)
Found this on "Love advice from the duke of hell" web toon, heavily recommend it
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
Just got back from the doctors. Been diagnosed with Tinnitus.
Not sure I like the sound of that .
My son asked me if gravity kept us on the earth
I'm up in the air on that one
I got fired from my job at the juice factory
I just couldn’t concentrate
I was going to tell a joke about a prisoner transferring from a cell on the top floor to one on the bottom floor...
...but the punchline is con descending.
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
Coming home from the courthouse after formally adopting my 4 year old granddaughter...
Me: So are we your Mom and Dad now?
Granddaughter: A-PARENT-ly!!
Yep, she's a chip off the old block... hehe
Did you hear about the mechanic who got fired from the garage?
Apparently he had very poor motor skills.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Aladdin was banned from the magic carpet race
He was caught using performance enhancing rugs
I always said that I would never ever go walking the dark scary tunnels in the earth.
I like it when the Earth rotates.
The full rotation of the earth
I got an email from Google Earth saying it can “read maps backwards” and I thought
Scientists became so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours
A flat earther was debating me and got so mad he said "I will walk off the edge of the earth to prove you wrong!!"
He'll come around eventually
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
