What's the nick name of someone's aunt who was cracked at Apex Legends?

Aunt GiGi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2022
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I went to my local park for a Legends of Zelda Festival last weekend. You won’t believe the name of the band they booked.

Linkin Park

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2021
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What is the best character in Raid Shadow Legends?

The home button.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forzamon42069
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Whats the opposite of a legend?

A armend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdeptPresent7346
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2022
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Have you heard of the legend of the pirate-boxer?

He had a really nasty left hook

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoSlith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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YouTubers love the Legend of Zelda...

They are always putting a Link in the description.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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We sat down to watch The Voice. Apparently, John Legend is launching his own brand of lactose free milk.

It’s going to be Legend Dairy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotaroba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
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Civil War Cryptologists

Apparently during the U.S. Civil War there were two very smart cryptologists - one on each side. These guys were really good, constantly engaged in a game of cat and mouse to create secret messages and decrypt the other person’s secret messages. They were legend and history buffs still talk today about North Decoder and South Decoder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejaynight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2022
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I drew a map, but I forgot the legend

Then I remembered there's a legend reading this post.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qaddosh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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There's one place in the world that makes the best milk, the best butter, and the best cheese

It's the Legend Dairy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevindavis338
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2022
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An urban legend that was revealed on the movie Legally Blonde.

Guy 1: I heard that the main character kept stabbing people on the set filming Legally Blonde. I can't remember her full name. It was Reese..... something. She just kept attacking people one by one but I don't know who it was.

Guy 2: Witherspoon

Guy 1: No...... with her knife. Who would be that stupid to use a spoon to hurt over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macman1604
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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The Legend of Zelda is a chain

It's made of Links

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uezyteue
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I want to make a milk factory and name the company "Legend"

It'll be "Legend-Dairy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albatraous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2016
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Who's the main character in the legend of Zelda?

[Link] (https://www.google.com/search?q=image+of+the+word+gottem&oq=image+of+the+word+gottem&aqs=chrome..69i57j33l3.5289j0j9&client=ms-android-htc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=_qE-mtWpN0cj1M)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neoraydm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Sometimes I mix salt with water, then with mustard

It is an attempt to summon the musical legend, Saline Dijon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kavisiegel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2022
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The Legend of Gnome Ann
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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Legend has it that basketball used to be played with glass beads, and we only started using rubber balls in the 1800s.

Switching was indeed a marbleless idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforclock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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The man, the myth, the legend
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HailBROSEIDON
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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I wrote a great pun on r/Jokes about The Legend of Zelda

I forgot the link.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteBro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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I just read that the Carnival cruise ship "Glory" crashed into the Carnival cruise ship "Legend"

It left a legendary glory hull

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeRocker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?

Tennessee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TITANofATHENS
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Have you heard the legend of the rival twin brothers who laid the foundations for Google Chrome?

Chromulus and Chremus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Austinja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
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The Legend of Phillip Turr

Phillip Turr was one of the most handsome men to ever exist. Throughout high school, Phillip Turr was often called Photogenic Phil, due to his heartwarming smile.

Consequently, he was offered a modeling job before college. During his career, articles were often written about how photoshop was not even needed when it came to pictures of Phillip Turr, because he was just so flawless.

On one gloomy day, Phillip Turr was walking to one of his photoshoots and crossed the street at a busy intersection and sadly, Phillip Turr was hit by a reckless driver and was killed.

The next day, one of the photographers at the photoshoot that Phillip Turr was walking to posted a picture on Instagram to commemorate Phillip Turr's life. The picture was of an empty studio.

The caption of the photo read: Here is a picture of the place where the beautiful Phillip Turr would have stood yesterday had he not been tragically killed. RIP. #NoPhilTurr

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CastYourBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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The legend of the tutor mice

So, let's see that report card. Hmmm. Not so great this term, eh? Maybe you should have bought some tutor mice.

What are tutor mice? You never heard of tutor mice? No wonder. There's this elf, see, and he trains mice to teach kids different subjects. You buy one mouse for math, another for English, and so on. Each mouse you buy is a guaranteed A.

And the best thing is, this elf doesn't have a shop or anything. He comes to you. All you have to do is sing the song.

What do you mean what song. Everybody knows the song. You just have to sing it like you really mean it, and he'll pop up and sell you some mice. Like this:

β™«I'LL BUY MICE, E-E-ELF...β™«

β™«DON'T WANNA 'B'!β™«

β™«I'LL BUY MICE, ELF!β™«

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrettyDecentSort
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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My friend hung up random stuff on the walls. I noticed this: Coca Korra imgur.com/FATuzV0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bibbleskit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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What's the difference between Robin Hood and an ankle?

One is a legend and the other is a leg end.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargingTiger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2021
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Streets are flooding: dad jokes at the ready

I was in the car with my dad and we were stuck in traffic because the streets had been flooding. At one point my dad turned around and said "you need to pee?". I look confused and say "no, not really.". Then my dad puts on the most ridiculously big smile and says " good, we don't need any more flooding".My dad is a flipping legend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tweetydapigeon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2021
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I once met a sorceress in the desert

She told me I could have all the cultured dairy and preserved fruit products I could ever want, if I would only marry her and sign an agreement promising to give it all back if we ever got divorced

Until that day I'd never believed the legend of the Prenup Butter and Jelly Sand Witch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mgrafe88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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Legend tells of an incredible hero...

Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.

The man, the myth, the legend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purevermonter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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There’s an airplane factory in Toulouse, France.

Legend has it that one guy stuck a nail on the wall.

It was tough Toulousan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cristianthechinch
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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In Mexico, they say if you drink Topo Chico mineral water you'll grow taller.

It is the Legend of Tipi Topo Chico...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelvinRoseTX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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10 men trapped in Alaska

I remember years ago when in my remote town in Alaska there were 10 men stuck underground. I don't recall the circumstances that got them into this situation but it was clear that if they didn't get out soon they weren't going to make it.

All of our local rescue and public services were unable to get them out and they were running out of time. With only 18 hours remaining they sent for the only expert who could help, a rescue operations legend Mr. Puh. If he could get a plane into town it could make all the difference.

I remember gathering around the radio, biting our nails, as weather conditions worsened and threatened the planes journey.

I don't remember how long I stayed awake that night, but I will never forget the words I heard when I turned the radio on in the morning: "Puh not in, ten dead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToyokiSonoda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Me: Dad I have bats in my attic

Dad: baseball or softball?

Real life encounter with my dad. The legends are true. Dad jokes prevail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crisp-high-five
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Maybe the Best Dad Jokester Ever. R.I.P. John Witherspoon

On Oct. 29, 2019, the world lost a legend. Esteemed actor and comedian, John "Pops" Witherspoon, passed away at the age of 77. After making his acting debut on The Richard Pryor Show in 1977, Witherspoon starred in cultural classics like Good Times, House Party, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Bebe's Kids, Boomerang, Soul Plane, I Got the Hook-Up, The Wayans Bros, all three of the revered Friday movies and many more. https://4ormypeople.com/mood/2019/10/30/rip-john-pops-witherspoon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadadameannn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Girlfriend just got me with a Warcraft one

We were waiting on a friend to login to run a dungeon and i am just out picking herbs. I am being silly and just herbing and running away from the NPC’s

She says i should keep it up and eventually i will be a Herbing Legend!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mementh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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Why you don't try to explain video games to fathers.

So I was having dinner with my father attempting to describe to him a bad experience I had while playing a game of League of Legends with my boyfriend. The conversation went as follows. " SO yeah, I was Evelynn a champion who can go invisible and my boyfriend told me to go back door their nexus, which is to go attack it when the team isn't there to defend it's kinda a cheep tactic, but ended up not working. Sigh" I look up at him and he replied completely straight-faced "At least you can't get pregnant that way" Needless to say I blushed profusely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waitingtillmarch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
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Someone posted a joke on inauguration day and now I can't stop thinking of Trump puns, so I'll just dump them here.

He probably has quite the hair-care bill, but I'm sure he's willing toupee for it.
It seems that everyone on the internet is Russian to say good things about him.
After his inauguration speech, everyone gave him a big hand.
His favorite winter Olympic event is the LYUUUUGE!
The other half of his supporters can be described with ancient, mystical legends: the Deep Lore-ables.
Nobody will be able to use cheap cotton drapes or table cloths after his ban on muslins.
Since the start of the cold war, many U.S. presidents have pissed off the Russians. Trump is the first to be accused of pissing ON them.
I subscribed to his newsletter because I never turn down a free MAGA-zine subscription.
Melania got used to everyone crowded into Trump Tower during the campaign. Now that everyone's gone, she looks around and it's just a little Barron.
Joke that inspired me is here : https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/5p4ebt/on_donald_trumps_inaguration/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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Trying to get to know my new Middle Eastern roommate, he hit me with this one.

I say Middle Eastern cuz I honestly forget if he's Iraqi or Iranian. We were getting to know each other, and I asked him to tell me a fable from his country of origin. It went like this:

Ali: In (the town he grew up in), there is a tower. A very very tall tower, many stories high, with only stairs. And legend says that if you climb all the way to the very top...

(pause)

Me: What happens?

Ali: completely straight face You will get very dizzy.

That was it. I thought it was hilarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikhail_harel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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Got my brother with this one just now

We were queued up to play an ARAM in league of legends when he says "I have 747 wins in ARAM"

Immediately I respond "How Boeing"

He didnt get it at first but then you just hear the deepest of sighs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagmaSpeck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2016
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Any League of Legends players out there?

I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.

So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:

Me: Oh shoot.

Me: Can anyone trade me?

--Someone trades me their champion--

Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.

From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearZeBubus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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My dad's favorite spooky Halloween joke

My dad told me this the first time on Halloween night back when I was 9. He tells it to this day to any of my cousins, nephews, or any kids that happen to linger too long at the house when he's giving out candy. It's a long one but I have always enjoyed it.

Back when I was about your age, I went on a Halloween adventure. There was an old abandoned house on our street where a series of grisly axe murders had taken place years before. The house had never sold and was left vacant and was left to fall apart. There was a local legend that if you went into the house on Halloween night, you'd be confronted by the ghost of the murderer himself, still looking for more victims to add to his terrifying story.

My friend Tom and I decided to go through with it one year. Knowing everyone would be too terrified to go into the house, we snuck in easily on Halloween night. The place was falling apart inside, the carpet was wet and moldy and the wallpaper was peeling off everywhere. We headed down carefully to the basement down a set of creaky stairs.

At first we found nothing. Just an empty creepy old house. Suddenly we felt as if we were being watched. I was looking through one of the rooms in the large basement when I suddenly heard Tom shriek. I spun around and turned my flashlight and Tom was being chased by something, no someone. It looked like it was the murderer! A crazed man with an axe!

We turned and tried to run anywhere. We were in the basement but couldn't get up the stairs because we were blocked. We ran into the side room which looked like it might have been the laundry years ago. We locked the door and looked for a way out. The only thing we could find was a small window that opened onto ground level. As I climbed out I heard a pounding on the door. I managed to wriggle my way through the window and turned around to help my friend Tom. Panicking, he managed to get his top half through the window when I noticed the pounding stop.

Tom was stuck! I kept trying to pull him up but I couldn't. I pulled as hard as I could as Tom panicked and thrashed even more. I thought something had him caught, but it was even worse. The murderer had gotten behind him and was holding him back! He was too strong for me to overcome and he was pulling Tom's leg!

Just like I've been pulling yours this whole time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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u/Turk3ysDad was always so smooth with the bill

Not so much a joke, but just something my dad does:

Whenever we go out to eat, he must sense when the waiter/waitress is going to ask if we're ready for the bill, he pulls out his wallet and in one smooth motion presents he the credit card and says "Let me give you this now and save you the trip."

He must have a sixth sense about cause I have never been able to pull off that maneuver as easily. He might of been doing it subconsciously, because the one time I bring it up and tease him a little; he stopped doing it.

Legend has it once as he handed the card to the waitress she said, "Oh, that will save me a trip!" However I was not there so who really knows what happened that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TURK3Y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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Oh God...

I was talking to my dad just now about the legend of St George. He said, jokingly, that the knight did slay a dragon and I retorted with.

"Yeah, and allegedly a rose bloomed out of its blood,"

His reply? "Yup, allegendly,"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inguaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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Technology is always good to us dads

11 year old son: "Dad, I can't watch the show, it's frozen!" Me: "It looks like 'Legend of Korra' to me..." 11 year old son: ... {throws remote at my head}

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Playing organs

Walked in on my roommate listening to All of Me by John Legend whole touching his stomach with each piano note.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm playing my organs with the song," he said.

A massive groan ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marshallu2018
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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Acura Integra

My friend trying to sell his acura integra to one his friends

Him: Yeah theres some damage on the front end from the time a truck hit me doing 80mph. This car is quite a legend actually.

Me: I thought it was an integra

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kewlmonk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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