A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...

a-reptile-disfunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murdock431
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no wifi and couldn’t find the information I wanted.

I wound up using cellular.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconShrimpEyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?

A Hacksaw.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karanrime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Where did the father store all his information?

In the Dada-base.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPHarrison007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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What animal is the best at keeping your medical information confidential?

A HIPAA-potamus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle /r/Jokes/comments/g7nncw/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikelb5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim it’s too crooked to read.

They need to get their fax straight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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The media are now only using email to transfer information

They don’t care about fax anymore

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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When discussing my history of eye inflammation at the optometrist, I was advised to look up information on conjunctivitis.com.

It's a site for sore eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Blood and Organ related puns please

So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like β€œbloody good luck” or β€œsorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!

Thanks in advance :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Massive-Lock-6048
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I once tried to drive my Toyota Corolla with a stick shift on the Autobahn, but German authorities flagged me down and informed me that was illegal...

So I drove down the manualbahn instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did the Joker keep his financial information?

In his Ledger

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I got a big promotion! I'm now the Electronic Innovation and Entertainment Information Officer for Elderly McDonald's Agricultural Enterprises.

I can't wait to put E.I.E.I.O. on my resume!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nesogra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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What's the best place to get information on candles

Wickipedia

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DexCruz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I informed my wife that the world does not revolve around our daughter...

Wife: "Why would you say that?"

Me: "She's our daughter; not our Sun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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How did the inventor of the calendar inform his wife about his accomplishment?

He said, β€œYour days are numbered!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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In the age of information, mathematician population is rapidly declining. We all need to make an effort to save them.

Every mathematician counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffymypillows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
If a school has a "What happens in the classroom stays in the classroom" policy. Would you say the information has then been CLASSified?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavinKye
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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What did commander broccoli say to Sargent potato when he discovered that he was leaking information to the enemy?

You TAITOR!!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yup_Pup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Do you know who the first person to download information from the cloud onto their tablet was?

Moses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymcdadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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At work last night, we found a lost set of keys. The only identifiable information on them was a little metal bobble that read, "Eaves."

I told my coworkers to be on the lookout for an eavesdropper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihavespaceballs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shatari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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My daughter informed me that the paper said Huey Lewis had cancelled his show.

To this I responded, "Well, I guess you could say that's Huey Lewis in the News."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Treevus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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There should be a Network Television show to inform teens about the dangers of unprotected sex.

They can call it "Genital Hospital".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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True story, just happened. My 10 year daughter, with an evil grin, just informed me "I can spell a bad word using the letters from "this."

And I was like "No shit?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlightlyStable
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
🚨︎ report
While giving birth to a set of twins, the mother losses consciousness.

The doctor called in the woman’s brother from the waiting room and asked if he would like to name the children. The brother agrees.

When the mother wakes up, the doctor informs her that her brother has named the children while she was unconscious. She said β€œOh no... my brother is an idiot. What did he name the kids?” The doctors replied β€œWell, the girl’s name is Denise!” β€œOh, that’s not so bad! And the boy?” β€œDenephew”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiSatthar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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If there was a city of nothing but hip hop artists where all of the residents were informal or unconventional, promoting new age ideals...

it would be a bohemian rap city.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddidendrite
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
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I had a tooth ache.

I also hate the dentist. Weeks went by and each day the pain was worse. My wife was also complaining how bad the smell of my farts were becoming. When I finally went to the dentist she informed me I had an abscessed tooth. Then it all made sense. Abscess makes the fart grow stronger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbiiggdd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture

The blackboard is now chalk-full of information

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daloonik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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The Coffin Joke

Three brothers are trick or treating near a shady house. Suddenly, a spider appears on the first brothers arm causing him to scream in shock. This causes the second brother to run away in fear only to get hit over the head by a dead tree branch. The third brother tries to escape but trips over a coffin. Filled with fright, the three brothers decide to go back home before they are stopped by a ghost that informs them, β€œThe items you have encountered today will kill you in exactly 20 years.” and vanishes into thin air. Understandably, the three brothers were terrified out of their wits and ran back to their house.

20 years later on Halloween, the first brother has booby trapped and spider-proofed his entire house. Unfortunately, he accidently runs into a wall causing a black widow to fall on his arm and killing him.

The second brother has prepared for many years and made sure that he was nowhere near any trees. However, he somehow miscalculated by one day and was killed when a lightning bolt struck a tree causing it to fall and crush him.

The third brother completely forgot about the ghost’s warning and was having dinner with his wife. His allergies were really acting up that night, so he decided to go to a pharmacy to purchase some allergy medicine. Suddenly, without any warning, the entire store goes dark and a giant coffin appears in front of him, opens up, and starts moving towards him. Remembering his frightful Halloween over 20 years ago, the brother starts desperately throwing everything in sight towards the coffin but to no avail. Now there is nothing else left other than a lone bottle of NyQuil. In one last brave attempt, the brother throws the bottle of NyQuil at the coffin and it miraculously vanishes.

Because NyQuil keeps the coffin’ away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schosple-collopis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Help Requested from the Reddit Pun community

I am tasked with naming an informational medical podcast about Overactive Bladder. Wanting a fun - pun type name for this. So far the best I’ve come up with is β€œUrine the Know”. TIA Reddit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tysenburg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Covid-19 breath conference today

Information to be presented by the World Health Organization, followed by the World Health Action Taskforce to talk about global initiatives, then a personal message of health by Dr. Irena Dun-Noh.

So WHOs on first, WHATs on second, I. Dun-Nohs on third

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway40k22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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[META] r/puns rule 6 changes

tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.


For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:

Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.

We are now changing it to:

Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.

###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!

carry on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns about clocks are the easiest

Now, if you have a lot of time on your hands, let me explain. These puns are a timely solution to anyone starting to dadjoke. With enough hours of practice, they become clockwork to deliver. Sometimes it's best to watch others perform the joke. I know, some of you may be ticked off with me (which isn't alarming) using my firsthand information on how to easily make a pun and how it has really wound you up. Yes, I'll hand it to you, making a simple pun is second-best to the more thought out grander puns with all the bells and whistles. Whatever makes you tick, I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatDamnCat_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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