The Hippopotamus Puns

That's why they call it "hippocracy".

It’s a hippo-potty-mess

A hippopotamus is a very heavy animal and a Zippo is a little lighter.

He is hippo critic Al.

Cos

The vetarians diagnosed him with being a little quacky.

The HippoCampus!

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available for her so she took what she could get.

Many years later when he returned to the same village, he encountered the first woman and asked about her child. Was he as strong as a bear? She pointed him out and sure enough, her son was busy ripping a stump out of the ground with his hands, as strong as a bear! Amazed, he sought out the second woman, who pointed out her son, running through a field at great speed, as graceful and agile as a deer! Intrigued to say the least, Pythagoras sought the third woman. She pointed out her son, and he didn’t believe his eyes - he was both as strong as a bear and as graceful as a deer; a mountain of a man with grace and poise.

He wrote in his now-famous travel journal his amazing discovery; that the sons of the squaws on the two smaller hides are equal to that of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

Walk him and pitch to the hippopotamus.

A couple puns.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other

An Indian chief had three squaws. One slept on a cow hide, one slept on a horse hide, and one slept on a hippopotamus hide. As the months went by, each squaw gave him his heirs. The one on the horse hide gave him a son. The one on the cow hide also gave him a son. But the one on the hippopotamus hide gave him twin sons.

This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws if the other two hides.

"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"

The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.

The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.

The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.

"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"

A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.