A list of puns related to "The Heartbeats"
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.' So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!' The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt - I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?' The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?' The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars . But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer.
I was at work and saw my manager walking around with a clock.
I lick my lips,
My muscles tighten,
All I hear is my heartbeat.
My manager and I make eye contact. The words come out almost instantly:
"Looks like you've got a lot of time on your hands, sir."
He maintains eye contact for a second and walks away, but I could hear his soul groan.
My wife is 8 weeks pregnant with our first (twins, actually). Today we had an ultrasound to check on them before my wife is officially transferred from the fertility specialist to her OB/GYN.
Nurse: Both heartbeats are a healthy 144.
Me: Gross.
Nurse: What?.... Oh. (nervous laugh)
Wife: (facepalm)
Me: (ear-to-ear grin)
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