Once upon a time a had a pair of jeans that I cut off at the knee in summer.
There you go, a short story.
Went to a club called Ghost Town the other day but had to leave cos of the smell.
Too much farting on the dancefloor.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery and fell in love
I heard they wanted to grow mold together
Why did the baseball player leave to go to his moms house in the middle of the game?
After a long, vicious territorial battle a large family of bitten, scratched wolves all sought shelter from the snow in a tiny cave, leaving barely an inch of space.
A pair of vets who care for the wolves find them and try to get in to administer care and clean their wounds.
One says “I can’t go in there.”
“Why not?”
“The place is bloody packed.”
I just got charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
Probably shouldn't have ran out of the delivery room.
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because he didn't habenaro.
After Orville and Wilbur’s first horrific and fatal plane-accident leaving their remains scattered on the tarmac, the chief medical examiner approaching what was left of them simply asked:
My daughter is thinking of becoming a mirror polisher when she leaves school.
It's something she can see herself doing.
My girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my love for Africa jokes
I told her, "Uganda be kidding - Kenya be serious?!"
Why is pride month in the summer?
Because pride goeth before the fall.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
When you leave the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...
That's called A-pasta-cy
I'm proud of that one. I originally posted it to r/cleanjokes
I was sick and tired of my wife forgetfully leaving her feminine hygiene products in the toilet, so I confronted her
She immediately flushed with embarrassment.
You know why they put Pride month in the summer??
.
.
.
.
.
because Pride always comes before the fall
Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...
He always wants to practice his chipping.
My wife threatened to leave me because she says I have a bad sense of direction..
So I packed my stuff and right.
A Monk was selling flowers on the Playboy mansion grounds and no one but Hef could get him to leave...
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
I rescued a dog with no legs from a pile of leaves...
I think I’ll name him Rustle
I had nothing to do so I thought of personally mixing the small leaves of a low-growing aromatic plant of the mint family.
But I knew I’d end up with too much Thyme on my hands
Someone built a massive sheer mountain made out of tea leaves.
When it rains, its cliffs become steep.
Did that man in the Bible really leave his sense of sight in the hands of one person claiming to be the son of God?
An anthropologist was cataloging south american folk remedies with the assistance a local tribal elder who indicated the leaves of a particular fern were the best cure for constipation. The anthropologist had doubts.
But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
What happens when a cow goes out into a field in the summer?
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
I went to a fan exhibit the other day, hoping that I’ll find a big one to purchase for hot summer days
I was immediately blown away
What did the Dali Lama say when his friend told him to leave the bar?
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
What do you say if someone asks if you want to leave the yoga studio, but you're not ready yet?
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
I always dread working on the Summer Solstice
My friend always gets behind in the gliding competition and just lands, packs up and leaves...
My Wife said she would leave me if I didn’t stop singing songs by the Monkees, I thought she was joking
My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with supermarkets.
"Do you want any help with your packing?" I said.
Why did the dog leave his wife
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad." When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said:
What does a toxic person say when they leave the room?
What did the pig captain of the ship say before leaving port?
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Her : I am leaving , I'm sick of you wearing a different t-shirt every hour .
Me : Wait . I can change .
My wife threatened to leave me over my bad sense of direction... I beat her to it though.
I packed up my stuff and right!
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