Why did the anti-vaxer refuse to go out with Batman?
She was against masked-man dates.
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
I hope the Kardashians don't go to the beach this year.
All we need is more plastic in the ocean.
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.
I mean, he only had one Job.
If you go to the bathroom American, and leave the bathroom American, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?
Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants!
The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store
The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."
If mornings go quickly, and afternoons go slowly, where do the nights go?
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
Every day, a doctor would go to the same bar and order a chestnut daiquiri. One day, the bartender ran out of chestnut and used hickory instead. The doctor came in, sipped it, and exclaimed, “Ew! What is this?!”. The bartender replied:
“That’s a hickory daiquiri, doc!”
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Why don't the Easter Island statues ever go anywhere?
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because it had no body to go with.
My wife and I recently went on a trip to Arizona, but we got into a fight about whether we should go to Meteor Crater or the Grand Canyon.
Why couldn't the lightning rod go play with its friends?
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
What did the bee go to the barber shop for?
Why didn't the sun go to college
It already had a million degrees
My daughter told me she wanted to go on an expensive vacation to Norway to travel inland on a small boat along the narrow water passages with steep cliffs on either side…
I said “hmmm… canoe fjord it??”
I go to the toilet for two reasons.
Why did the baker go to jail?
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To build up it's pecs.
(Yes I know it's a groaner, I made it up... Hmm.. Pecs/Pecks? Wasn't sure which is best).
What's it called when your wife tells you to get out of the house and go hang out with your friends
Picture this: you go to a urologist's office, and along with all their other patients, you contribute a urine sample. The doctor puts everyone's sample bottles in a little machine that spins them around really fast. Congratulations! You've just...
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the washroom?
Where did the hippie go to find a wife?
Why wouldn't the cheese go in the fridge?
The curds were in the whey.
Where did the Chevrolet workers go for lunch?
My wife is a huge nature freak and we decided to take a weekend to go camping. She only gets in the mood, oddly enough, for alliteration. . .
Needless to say, there were some very intense intents in tents.
I used to be able to go to the store with only a quarter and come back with a carton of milk, but now I have to pay five whole dollars.
Some people blame inflation, but personally, I blame the security cameras.
Where does the butcher go to dance?
Where did The Bee Gees go to school?
Why did the picture go to jail?
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore?
It snowed overnight. I told my wife to go outside and shovel the steps.
All I got was icy stares.
My friend Bart wouldn't go to the bar with me...
Says he's scared of Bartender
What did Yoda say after cutting in line to go to the bathroom?
My friend was so mad at me, she said « you should go live in the dead sea »
Which bank does the sun go to?
Why did the coffee go to the police
Go is the most satisfying game there is
Even if you're losing, you're still Going to win
Where did the whale go for his vacation?
Why did the gay couple feel compelled to go out rather than having a quiet evening at home?
I can't stand people who can't let go of the past
Debt collectors are the worst.
How fast did the Grinch’s sled go?
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