How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking!.... JK ROLLING!
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Anyone: Iβm gunna run down to the convenient store and get something to drink.
Dad: you should probably drive, running that far seems like a lot of unnecessary work.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
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︎ Dec 07 2020
When I write down the alphabet I never get past the letter "I"
I guess that's where I draw the line.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Somebody get the Captain! Thereβs been a hull breach! Weβre going down!
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop βgive me a break man, I slowed down.β The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
βSo... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?β
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︎ Sep 19 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.
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︎ Dec 07 2019
If you ever get locked out of your home, sit down and talk to the lock calmly
Because communication is key
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︎ Aug 10 2020
My wife said, βWhy did you forget to get all the stuff from the grocery store that I wrote down?β
I said, βWhen I got there, I felt.....listless.β
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︎ Jul 30 2020
The presidents guards arenβt allowed to scream βget downβ before the president is attacked anymore.
They have to yell βDonald, Duck!β
Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I donβt know who you are.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
A man bet another that a group of hippies couldn't get the meat down from a really high shelf without a ladder.
The cannibal replied "I can't, the steaks are too high"
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︎ Apr 07 2020
Three tomatoes are walking down a street: papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato. The baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes him. He says...
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︎ May 09 2020
(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down
He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.
βSure,β said the farmer, βmy wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but theyβre off to college, and Iβm all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.β
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him,βDidnβt you hear what I said? I have lots of room.β
βI heard you,β said the salesman, βbut I think Iβm in the wrong joke.β
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︎ May 31 2020
Yelled down the street to my daughter while she was walking my FIL's little chihuahua: "Hey did you get that dog on sale??"
It certainly looks like you got it half off!!
I could hear the groan all the way up the street..success!
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︎ Apr 15 2020
Why did the pencil get flushed down the toilet?
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︎ Jul 10 2019
Iβm exhausted! When I get home from work Iβm just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This eveningβs definitely looking up
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︎ Nov 06 2019
My wife sent me down the shop to get 8 cans of sprite...
But when I got home I realised I'd only picked 7up.
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︎ May 21 2019
The secret service agents no longer shout "get down!" anymore.
They shout "Donald, duck!"
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︎ Oct 16 2019
I was in the gym the other day, when I saw a man get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend. Unfortunately she said no!
Well that didn't workout...
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︎ Nov 04 2019
Whatβs the fastest way for Harry Potter to get down the mountain?
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︎ Dec 10 2018
Every time the mail gets delivered, I break down crying.
I really should speak to a therapist about my post-traumatic stress disorder.
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︎ Mar 30 2019
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
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︎ Oct 05 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 44
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︎ Aug 07 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"
π︎ 85
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︎ Apr 22 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 23
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︎ Apr 06 2020
The secret service arenβt allowed to yell βGET DOWNβ anymore if the president is about to be attacked.
Instead they say, βDONALD, Duck!β
π︎ 356
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︎ Oct 26 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 45
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︎ Feb 24 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 16
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︎ Apr 06 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell βDonald duckβ!
π︎ 53
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︎ Dec 02 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 95
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︎ Oct 21 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 58
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︎ Jun 27 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 590
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︎ Mar 25 2019
The secret service doesn't have to tell "get down" anymore.
They have to tell "Donald Duck!"
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︎ Feb 14 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 242
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︎ May 16 2019
The secret service doesnβt yell βGet down!β anymore when the President is about to be attacked.
They now yell βDonald, Duck!β
π︎ 241
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︎ Apr 19 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 34
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︎ Oct 15 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 63
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︎ Sep 16 2019
The secret service isnβt allowed to say βget down!β Anymore
Now they have to say, βDonald, duck!β
π︎ 61
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︎ Jun 27 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 89
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 91
π
︎ May 24 2019
The secret service isnβt allowed to yell βGet down!β anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell, βDonald, duck!β
π︎ 91
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︎ Mar 19 2019
Since Trump became president, the secret service hasn't been allowed to yell "Get down!" when he is under attack...
Instead they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
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︎ Jun 26 2019
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
π︎ 12
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︎ Sep 24 2019
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
π︎ 17
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︎ May 24 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 26
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︎ May 12 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 20
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︎ Jul 19 2019
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 68
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︎ Nov 10 2018
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